Once Upon a Time’s season 4 finale was all about villains trying to finally achieve their happy endings.
Then again, whoever said we wanted our Disney villains to be sympathetic?
Plenty of others do, though20, by my count, as of May 2015.
Credit: Disney
So, without further ado, here’s a completely scientific, totally objective* ranking of them.
Also: There’s no “Love Is an Open Door,” because c’mon.
*Science and objectiveness not guaranteed
20.
You might think it couldn’t get worse than the original… butyou’re wrong, my friend.
(“Elegant” hardly holds a candle to “Captain Hook’s Waltz.")
At least voice actor Jonathan Freeman finally got his chance to shine inAladdinon Broadway.
“Trust in Me,” The Jungle Book
You know what’s a wonderful song?
Put it this way: There’s a reason he uses it to put people to sleep.
“Yodel-Adle-Eedle-Idle-O,” Home on the Range
RememberHome on the Range?
Of course, you don’t!
“World’s Greatest Criminal Mind,” The Great Mouse Detective
Meh movie, meh song.
Rattigan may not be the world’s worst criminal mind, but he’s certainly not the greatest.
“Mad Madam Mim,” The Sword in the Stone
Nobody ever remembers poor Madam Mim.
(Psst, Governor Ratcliffe: You are noJohn Dickinson.)
“Mother Knows Best,” Tangled
Why wasn’tTangledas mega-successful asFrozen?
(Well, except “When Will My Life Begin,” maybe.)
“The Phony King of England,” Robin Hood
A good, old-fashioned, fife-heavy Medieval hoedown.
Sick burn, Little John.
Size, SIZE,size, SIZE!My apologies for bringing back your childhood nightmares.
I could listen to Dr. Facilier’s smooth bass all the livelong (die-long?)
Here, though, is why I’m raking them the way I do.
I want more verses, damnit!
It’s brash, bold, and almost,almostunbeatable.
“Gaston,” Beauty and the Beast
Is it a searingly clever critique of traditional hegemonic masculinity?
You bet your ass it is!
And every last inch of it’s covered inHAIR!
