The fourth season of MTV’s reality revivalJersey Shore Family Vacationalmost didn’t happen.
Fortunately for theJersey Shorecast, they didn’t come this far just to come this far.
Thursday’s midseason finale united friends, enemies, spouses, strippers, and one uncle.
Dusty Kessler/MTV
A new generation is rising.
DEREK LAWRENCE:Darren, our family vacation is over.
Oh, and let’s not forget thatDr.
Dusty Kessler/MTV
Drewof all people jetted in to save our favorite dysfunctional family.
(to you and I)The Better Bachelor.
On a scale from grenade to 10, how thankful are you be GTLing again?
Dusty Kessler/MTV
Whereas you are a one-man RSVP, sagely guiding us to a higher state ofJersey Shoreenlightenment.
(In small bills.)
There are too many details that we have to get into.
The Situation’s lopsided nipples.
Esteban, the hazmat-suited waiter.
The surprise return of Ariana the contortionist.
But let’s go macro.
We just watched 14 episodes about a social media feud.
The girls' speech at Angelina’s wedding eight 10 months ago threatened to tear the family apart.
I wanted the rift to heal.
And, at least for the moment, it has!
When JWoww told Angelina to put on sunscreen, I felt a renewed hope for our world.
What beef can’t we squash, humanity?
But I do tend to believe this was at least a more fun bubble.
Like, imagine being at Walt Disney World and not allowed to actually go into the park?
That had to be hell,especially for the Lopez twins.
My most passionate take of the season: The Speech is no The Note.
Mine might be unexpected: Lauren.
DARREN:Lauren’s role this season was crucial, no question.
The original double-booking plan called for Angelina to get parent-trapped with JWoww and Deena.
That seemed to fire up the floodgates to all the significant others a true family vacation!
I have no idea how a show full of mostly settled-down parents works with the usual MTV demographic.
It works on my demographic, your honor!
She didn’t concoct the most schemes, or create the most catchphrases.
(Which: Can we talk about how these people turned “Threesome!”
into a catchphrase?)
Did they have room service the whole trip?
This is the escapist entertainment we parents have been demanding!
Eleven years after they first achieved reality TV fame, theJersey Shorestars live very strange lives.
So trapping them in an empty resort full of cameras and raccoons felt… almost normal?
Or anyhow, about as normal as anything else that happened in 2020.
When JWoww walked through a door and saw Dr. Drew staring at her, her shrug said it all.
How did you feel about his appearance, Derek?
And what do you want to see when this season returns?
Don’t say Pauly’s bleached hair.
I refuse to see that.
Deena, she’s just having a nice night in at home in Jersey with Chris and CJ.
But I’m glad you brought up Dr. Drew.
And I guess my wish list for the rest of season 4 starts there.
Give me Ronnie still in control of his life.
Give me a setup of a Ronnie and Uncle Nino spin-off calledThe Old Pope.
Give me more tears when Mike and Lauren welcome their baby.
Give me appearances from otherDouble Shot at Lovegirls (hell, even let Pool Party Papi show up).
And lastly, give me Snooki back.
Other than all the above, what do you hope the rest of yourJersey Shorepandemic looks like?
DARREN:I’m with you on wanting to get the full band back together.
I have to believe that Snooki is watching this season (hopefully whilerecovering quickly from COVID!)
and thinking, “Well, that doesn’t look too bad.”
Which kind of gets back to the central tension of thisFamily Vacationseason.
TheJersey Shorecrew will keep doing this show as long as there’s an audience.
All it took to get the family back together was locking everyone up in a vacant vacation getaway.
Maybe for the next feud they can take over a whole island?
