Plus, Eliza chases after Justin.
Case in point:
Let’s recap!
“It’s just a somber day,” says Serene as the episode begins.
I dare you to name these women.ABC
Everyone’s still feeling weepy and depressed about Rodney and Eliza’s breakup.
Andrew’s crying, Brandon’s crying, and Johnny’s “questioning everything,” bro.
“I’m so happy I met you,” he says, sniffling.
Surprise, Justin!.ABC
“I’m never going to stop loving you.”
Here’s hoping, buddy.
Speaking of unlikely hopes, let’s check in on Eliza.
Denied.ABC
When last we saw her, she was heading to Baltimore to ask Justin for a second chance.
But then Justin opens the door.
Justin says he’s happy to see Eliza, but that isnota “happy to see you face.”
¡Hola, Mara!.ABC
Still, he invites her in and listens, staring at the floor, as Eliza makes her case.
“The second you left, something, like, started to click for me,” she says.
“I think I let all the outside pressure… kind of factor into my decision that night.”
There’s nothing more romantic than a health-code violation.ABC
Justin, who hasn’t even unpacked his Paradise luggage, is “speechless.”
Finally, Justin takesa page out of Andrew’s bookand says he wants someone to choose him first.
“You chose Rodney, and that s—, like, hurts,” he says.
Professor Aaron explains it all.ABC
“Maybe it’s time I choose myself.”
She flew across the country with a camera crew for this!
Where’s her romantic reunion, dang it?
Shake it off, Mara.ABC
Eliza gets up and walks outside to vent to producers.
“Okay, I messed up, I get it.
But this is me saying I’m sorry,” she says, wiping away tears.
Ency and Lyndsey.ABC
“I’m going home.
There’s not much else for me to do.”
(Anyone think she and Justin will be back together at the reunion?)
Not cool, producers.ABC
Back on the beach, everyone is still moping around.
But hey, here comes Mara from Clayton’s season and she’s ready to party!
and starts pulling guys for chats.
Mmmm… oysters.ABC
With tensions high, Flo and Mara exchange words before the date.
“A little competition never hurt nobody,” says Mara.
“Nobody said anything about competition,” Flo shoots back.
Gabby and Rachel arrive.ABC
Everyone giggles through the awkwardness, but Victoria is loving it.
“Battle of the cougars!”
“The claws are coming out tonight.”
Gabby and Rachel and their rings.ABC
(Reminder: In Paradise, any woman over the age of 28 is considered a “cougar.”
But dudes can roll up on a Rascal mobility scooter and still be considered hot commodities.)
Anyhow, the date is a mess literally.
It is very unpleasant to watch, and the faux porn music doesn’t help.
“My dad used to call me pork chop growing up,” says Johnny.
“Like, ‘Pork chop, what are you doing, fat boy?'”
“My mom’s not doing well,” he admits.
“But she’s strong, she’s tough.”
Hang in there, Johnny and Johnny’s mom!
Still, the conversation brings Johnny and Victoria closer.
“I’m becoming more open to the possibility of being engaged,” says Johnny.
“It happens when you’re not looking for it.”
Not everyone is feeling the love, though.
But more what, exactly?
Let’s let Kate explain.
“Meanwhile, I’m constantly someone who is wow-ing.
I’m a wow-er.
I want to be wowed.”
This relationship is doomed.
Logan’s all,I steer the ship, too!
Ohhh, there it is.
We interrupt this recap for a slang tutorial.
Aaron, take it away!
“When the sun dips low beyond the horiz sweet nectar.”
For Flo, watching Mara flirt with Twin B. the morning after their date is absolutelynotnectar.
“It’s f—ed up.”
“I don’t want to be an option,” she tells him.
“I want someone who is sure that they want to get to know me.”
Are you sensing a theme here, rose lovers?
But now he has to tell Mara who just walked up to interrupt their chat.
“I had a great time with you,” says the twin.
“But I just think for now I feel a greater connection to Flo.”
She walks away down the beach, as a cartoonish march plays on the soundtrack.
It’s okay, Mara.
Have a shot and shake it off.
This humiliation shall pass.
And hey, maybe she’ll have a drinking buddy in Jessenia soon.
He’s going to say no, right?
“I would have to talk to Kate about it,” says Logan.
“You were someone that I wanted to meet.”
Does this man have a death wish?
More importantly, why did producers have to do Lyndsey so dirty by leaving this shot in?
When Ency asks Andrew on a date, he accepts.
And boy, is Kate unhappy with this development.
Logan pushes back, accusing Kate of being “disappointed and critical and frustrated with me constantly.”
(Narrator: It wasn’t, and she’s not.)
“Name a moment when I was critical of you!”
she demands in her confessional.
Any guesses as to what she was talking about, rose lovers?
Doesn’t really matter.
Logan’s [beep] is safe, because he turns Lyndsey down.
Welp, the only thing left to do is watch Andrew and Ency eat oysters on their date.
“I can already feel my sex drive!”
“I’m about ready to flip this table over.”
After their conversation, Jessenia retreats upstairs to cry it out.
“I really started to like him,” she says tearfully.
“I need to go…
There’s no one here for me, so what’s the point?”
Good question, honey.
But if you’re looking for a point toBachelor in Paradise, your search will be in vain.
Eventually, Tyler gets up to greet the women.
“Hey Rachel!”
he says, wrapping her in a hug.
“Congratulations to you, I’m just so happy for you.”
Wait, is he congratulating her on her “engagement” to “Tino”?
And it was definitely filmed beforeGabby and Erich’s breakupwas announced last week.
That would make for an amazing addition to the blooper reel at the reunion.
Only three episodes left, rose lovers!
Are you surprised Justin rejected Eliza in Baltimore?
Is it just me, or is Kate now so unlikable that she actually makes Logan seem sympathetic?
And is a “human churro” date nectar or nasty?
Post your thoughts below!
