Spying, smooching, spiraling, and sloppy-drunk bonding this episode ofBachelor in Paradisehad it all!
(Except, of course, a rose ceremony.)
We kick things off with Lace’s confrontation with Rodney, already in progress.
Lace gives Rodney a choice.ABC
“I came to get on the same page,” says Lace.
Unfortunately for Lace, there could not be more distance between her page and Rodney’s.
“I didn’t think I’d have to make this decision tonight,” he continues.
Once more unto the breach, Lace.ABC
“I’m going home,” she says, bursting into tears.
“This all sucks so bad.”
Rodney apologizes and tries to comfort her.
She could not be less interested.ABC
“I just don’t want to lie to you,” he says.
“You’re an amazing, amazing person.”
Lace pulls away from him and gives tearful hugs to everyone on the beach.
Kate flirts with Logan.ABC
“Your person’s out there,” Michael assures her.
“It doesn’t feel like it now, but it’s out there.”
He’s not wrong, Lace!
I want this on a t-shirt.ABC
Once Lace leaves, Eliza goes to check on Rodney.
He’s feeling bad but doesn’t regret his choice.
“I didn’t want to lie to her or lead her on,” he says.
What a tangled web we weave…ABC
“This is where my heart’s at.”
Of course, not every guy on the beach is looking to switch partners.
Aaron, Brandon, and Johnny are still patiently waiting for their ladies to return.
Kate gives Jacob the bad news.ABC
Still, Brandon is losing his mind.
“I want to quit!”
“I’m on edge every day!”
Welcome to Dumpsville, population you.ABC
Sir, it’s been like 27 hours.
Take a deep breath.
Or better yet, just go to bed.
Paradise’s greatest love story.ABC
We interrupt this recap for a reading from Jill’s journal.
“None of these dudes are funnyat all,” she continues.
Whoa, buddy watch your step!
Logan and Kate.ABC
LOVE that they kept that in the final cut, LOL.
“I hate it here,” Jill says.
“I worry about what’s going on back on the beach.”
Alex seduces Victoria.ABC
Genevieve and Serene second that emotion.
It “confirms all of our worst fears,” Jill says.
“I’m stressed!”
Tyler and Brittany.ABC
frets Genevieve, cracking her knuckles frantically.
Victoria, however, isn’t very upset.
“I came here to feel something groundbreaking, and I feel that for Kate,” says Logan.
It’s like Geometry Beach, baby!"
Props to theBIPgraphics department, for sure.
Of course, Kate still hasn’t let Jacob know that he’s yesterday’s news.
In fact, she greets him with a good-morning kiss right in front of Logan!
Jacob says with a chuckle.
Oh, poor, clueless Tarzan.
As Michael puts it, “‘Can we talk’ means, ‘You’re going down.'”
“And that someone else is Logan.”
What’s Jacob supposed to say other than, “You do your thing, girl”?
At least the poor guy isn’t the only one blindsided by Kate’s decision to ask out Logan.
“Our date was amazing,” he says.
Sarah listens politely, and then informs Logan that she doesn’t want to talk.
Once she walks away, though, Sarah cries angry tears.
“Karma is real,” she says with a smirk.
Hmmm… wonder what’s going on over at the hotel?
“We might!”
She and Genevieve have been downing shots together all afternoon, and the tequila bonding is in full effect.
“This bitch, I hated her!”
marvels Gen. “But then, like, talking to you…
I love you!”
They wrap each other in a sloppy hug.
Oh, they did, hon just as they aired you drunkenly stumbling by the pool.
Meanwhile, Logan and Kate have left for their date.
Jacob copes by doing some deep breathing and meditation, and you know what?
Better than coping with booze and negative thoughts.
Right now, Kate’s straddling Logan and smearing some sugar scrub all over his back.
“This is going to tear your skin clean off,” she jokes.
“So, we’ll just start fresh and raw.”
Of course, Logan LOVES it, even when Kate starts smacking him with a cactus paddle.
Miles away, Shanae and Genevieve pray to Baby Jesus to ruin all the Paradise dates by bringing rain.
The rain part works (“Baby Jesus has our backs!”
declares Genevieve), but Logan and Kate are still having a fantabulous time together.
Time to move on to another “relationship”: Victoria and Johnny.
The latter is just counting the days until Victoria comes back to the beach.
The former, however, is currently flirting it up with Alex at the hotel.
“It was perfect,” says Victoria.
“Physical touch is my love language.”
And thus, when Victoria gets a date card, she asks Alex to accompany her.
“Sounds like you facially profiled me,” he jokes.
“I get it.
I do look like everyone’s, like, ex-boyfriend douchebag.
I am that archetype.”
(We stan a self-aware hunk.)
“I’m definitely leaning towards falling in love, for sure,” he says.
“Something about Victoria just gets me, like, I just want to be a better person.”
Awwww, something tells me this poor guy has some major disappointment in his future.
Spoiler alert: He is.
That said, Tyler knows he has to have The ConversationTM with Shanae.
“I’m pissed!
“If I’m not hanging out with Tyler, I’m done!”
Don’t answer that.
“I’m not telling her!”
she says to no one in particular.
Prepare for the s—storm, everybody!
Monday’s episode ends with an ominous preview of the women returning to the beach.
Do you think any of the original couples (besides Serene and Brandon) will stay together?
Should Victoria choose Alex or Johnny?
And are Shanae and Genevieve the best love story in Paradise?
Post your thoughts below!
Bachelor in Paradiseairs Mondays and Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on ABC.
