It’s the math of love triangles…
Happy Labor Day, rose lovers!
To mark the end of summer,Bachelor in Paradisehas an extra-juicy episode for us.
Kendall is here to ‘find love’.ABC
Is another Chris coming?
Serena dropped the P as soon as Serena C. left.
This episode is all about love triangles (or quadrangles in some cases).
Kenny is confused.ABC
First up, it’s Kendall and Joe.
Kendall pulls Joe aside to talk, and he immediately asks if she’s okay.
She doesn’t understand why Joe is so emotionally stable when she is not.
Demi attempts a seduction.ABC
He breaks it down for her, explaining that at first he wasn’t okay.
It stirred up too many memories being in the place they fell in love.
But Kendall is glad he stayed, so they could have this conversation.
Kenny and Mari get cozy.ABC
She cries in the confessional and then says she doesn’t know why she’s crying.
Serena, c’mon, anyone would cry in this situation and we all know why.
Even Wells says he thinks there’s a good chance Joe and Kendall will get back together.
Brendan is concerned.ABC
Kendall and Joe have a real heart-to-heart with them both admitting life without each other has not been easy.
“It’s difficult for me to not have you be part of my life,” says Kendall.
Okay, but Kendall, sometimes the logistics are important.
Natasha can’t handle the truth.ABC
They are pretty essential to keep things afloat.
Have we learned nothing about infrastructure and planning during the pandemic?
Joe is upfront and explains the situation with Serena.
They deserve each other.ABC
Then Joe gets real with her, telling her she’s skipping over crucial details.
He came back to Los Angeles four months after their breakup to talk.
Kendall accuses him of coming back to push her to move to Chicago.
Brendan offers up Bachelor-gate tape.ABC
Like I said, sometimes logistics are what matter most.
But what Kendall really wants more than anything is closure.
Quotes are all her (or at least her tone of voice).
Hmm, methinks the lady doth protest (or relent) too much.
Just so long as he promises to be honest with her no matter what happens.
I do trust Joe above anyone else on this beach to keep that promise.
They talk, she apologizes for not communicating well, and he reciprocates.
They agree to communicate better going forward.
Now they can go back to being #couplegoals for everyone on the beach.
Noah ponders what went wrong before: Was it the environment?
Him being a dick?
Guess we’ll never know (but psst, it’s the last one).
As soon as Tia returns with Kenny, Mari grabs him and spills her guts.
She admits she regrets everything that happened, specifically what she said to set all this in motion.
Wait, is Kenny a prophet?
Or does he just know the power of his bod?
He definitely predicted this.
But to us, in the confessional, he admits there is something special between him and Mar.
But he can’t just jump right back into it.
Now Demi is pissed.
He says he had a fun date with Tia and he’s planning to talk to her again tomorrow.
Demi is not pleased he didn’t just come back and tell her she’s more fun.
Kenny backpedals, explaining he might only talk to Tia for a few minutes tomorrow.
Sure, Kenny, sure.
Demi doesn’t like anything about this, but Kenny says he has told everybody everything, including Tia.
Which, to be fair, he has.
She tells him he’s in a “little pickle.”
That’s a new term for about to be murdered in your sleep I’ve not heard before.
Demi just coined the new “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?”
But wait, is Kenny exhibiting self-restraint?
(Or maybe just self-preservation?)
He declines, explaining that his plan was to come back from the date and go to bed.
Well, he is 40, maybe naked volleyball really took it out of him.
Now THAT would be the most dramatic finale ever.
Wow, Thomas, really bulked up on useful life skills to help you succeed.
What’s next for you, learning to ride a unicycle?
Kendall pretends to be impressed, probably to make it stop.
Jessenia reflects on how quickly everything has changed, particularly Kendall-Joe-Serena and the whole Kenny situation.
She says now Kenny and Mari are talking, but this looks like more than talking.
Natasha and Brendan seem to finally have found their groove.
Brendan says he could never do that; he’s a bad liar and not a manipulative person.
So, of course, here is Pieper to bring her crashing back to reality.
Can’t fault a girl for knowing what she wants.
Brendan, I think you pronounced “going exactly according to plan” wrong.
Ah yes, because the hallmark ofBachelor in Paradiseis all the deep, meaningful conversations.
I didn’t realize all the times Brendan told Natasha he was having fun was a dissertation on relationships.
Brendan says he would never hold Natasha back from exploring something if the roles were reversed.
Yes, because you don’t actually care about her, Brendan!
I knowBachelorcontestants spend a lot of time outside the show together, but when did these two become BFFs?
Natasha questions how much she’s tried to be understanding and patient and worked hard to make Brendan comfortable.
Even if Pieper didn’t show up, treat yourself better.
Pieper is on a totally different page, already declaring their date a special night.
Gag me with a spoon.
He admits he’s certain that everyone else thinks he’s just been waiting for Pieper.
But Pieper is confused and feels like Brendan is downplaying whatever they had beforeParadise.
But then Brendan begins the villain speech to end all villain speeches.
So, yep, you were totally playing Natasha.
Pieper gets it, he was playing a game the whole time.
Oh but, excuse me, she’s into that.
“We have to have each other’s back,” Iago Brendan continues.
“It has to be you and me first and foremost before anyone else on the beach.
Utilizing this time here and taking advantage of whatParadisewould promote together.”
Um, is this a date or a production ofGlengarry Glen Ross?Always be closing, Brendan.
Pieper and Brendan seal their agreement to make everyone hate them together with a kiss.
Now, they just hope it goes according to plan.
It’s the next day and shocker!
Brendan and Pieper are attached at the hip.
Maurissa astutely proclaims, “They should’ve just kept Paradise out of Paradise.”
The rest of the beach is more suspicious than Congress during the McCarthy hearings.
Natasha decides to get to the bottom of things by talking to Pieper.
They were together right before he left forParadise.
Alas, that does not happen.
Next, Natasha pulls Brendan aside and confronts him.
He’s back to wishy-washy excuses about hoping this would grow beyond friendship.
Record scratch, he thought he and Natasha were friends?
Yeah, Brendan, that’s because you rejected Natasha’s attempts to be just that.
Brendan tries to gaslight Natasha.
Uh, can we get an instant replay on the season?
Brendan,whendid you say that?
Natasha does not fall for it, saying no he never said that.
“No, I didn’t say that,” he admits.
BRENDAN, WHY ARE YOU STILL LYING AT THIS POINT?
What game are you even playing?
He accuses Natasha of having selective hearing, and that’s the final straw.
She wants to know if he’s here for this TV show?
Because that’s what it feels like.
Would he go on another date now with someone else?
She would’ve explored other options if Brendan had only been honest with her.
Then he reveals Pieper even visited him in Boston before.
The talk on the beach is now about how Pieper and Brendan are just here for their careers.
