At least our “journey” concluded with three sure-to-stick engagements and one bromance for the ages.
Fair enough, girl.
Knowing he is no longer wanted, Noah heads for the Exit SUV without saying goodbye to anyone.
Abigail and Noah on ‘Bachelor in Paradise’.ABC
Abigail, meanwhile, goes back to Prom to share her sorrows with her beach besties.
“It does make you wonder, who else could be feeling the same things?”
Adds Serena, “It would honestly kill me to be in that position.”
Dean and Caelynn on ‘Bachelor in Paradise’.ABC
Part 2: The Fifth and Final Rose Ceremony
Joe, would you mind setting the stage?
Hopefully by now you’ve said the things you needed to say to each other."
Sorry, floaters, but there will beno life vestsfor you!
Bye-bye, Becca and Thomas.ABC
And so sorry, Natasha you deserved much, much better.
To that end, like welcome…
Oh goody, it’s former Paradise vagabonds Dean and Caelynn.
(Good news: They no longerlive in a van.)
Mykenna is just not that into you, Ed.ABC
“Dean and I are here because we fell in love here,” says Caelynn.
Kenny and Mari go first.
Welp, okay then.BeccaandThomas, your turn!
Riley is shook, y’all.ABC
Thomas, for one, wants to keep their relationship going once they’re back in the States.
Becca, though, is having doubts.
After two failed engagements, the former Bachelorette is very cautious about going down that road again.
James + Aaron 4-eva.ABC
Thomas is flummoxed like,You want to end our relationship because it’s too good?
Awww, now Thomas is crying… and I think I believe his tears?
Am I a sucker, rose lovers?
Joe and Serena snuggle up on ‘Bachelor in Paradise.'.ABC
He begins to climb the stairs out of Paradise, and Becca chases him down.
“I have to just, like, trust myself in this decision right now.”
They share a tearful hug, and then ride away in separate Reject SUVs.
A Neil Lane trifecta.ABC
For now, let’s plow through some more of these fake couples.EdandMykenna, you’re up!
(“Classic Ed, trying to go to the Fantasy Suite with a girl he met yesterday!”
“I don’t think that I can be what you are looking for.”
Caelynn and Dean show up (again) on ‘Bachelor in Paradise.'.ABC
In other words, Mykenna ain’t your ticket to more camera time, pal.
Serena says it best: “I don’t think this is a shock to anyone.”
Speaking of things that aren’t a shock:AnnaandJameswill also be leaving Paradise separately.
Mari and Kenny on ‘Bachelor in Paradise’.ABC
Anna feels like James led her on and you know what?
That’s been James’ MO all summer.
Don’t hate the player, hate the game.
Maurissa and Riley on ‘Bachelor in Paradise’.ABC
Sorry, Anna better luck next season.
James, however, will not be leaving Paradise alone.
“We came in together, we gotta ride out together,” says James.
Kendall makes another surprise appearance on ‘Bachelor in Paradise.'.ABC
“Let’s do it, bro.”
Aaron simply can’t resist James’ eloquence.
“I gotta talk to Tia real quick, though, first,” he says.
Serena and Joe on ‘Bachelor in Paradise’.ABC
Riley, for one, cannotbelievewhat he’s seeing.
Indeed, it’s all very ridiculous.Aarondoesn’t even give poorTiatime to sit down while he ends things.
“We have to do this fast,” he says.
Justice for Natasha!.ABC
Fortunately, Tia takes it all in stride after all, she’s known Aaron for approximately four minutes.
Congrats, James and Aaron… Tia, meanwhile, is left to drag her wheelie suitcase through the sand.
“F— this place!
F— this beach!
F— these dudes!”
“I’m never coming here again.”
Sure, Jan. See you next summer.
“We have to know for sure if this is something, like, we want to continue.
Maurissa does NOT love it.
“Why would you do that to me?”
But she forgives him, of course: “I love that man.”
Finally, it’sJoeandSerena’s turn.
“I really want to spend the night with you,” says Joe.
“I want to spend the night with you, too,” Serena replies.
Easy-peasy, lemon squeezy, as my 11-year-old would say.
“But I love you, too.
Very much so.”
Dammit, I told myself I wouldn’t get invested in another Grocery Joe relationship!
(I may have added that last part.)
“It took me 40 years to find the love of my life,” he tells us.
“And it was worth the wait.”
Oh man, am I rooting for these guys, too?
Damn this stupid show.
Things aren’t quite as rock-solid over in Riley and Maurissa’s room.
“My mom hasn’t met you, either,” he notes.
“When I see you,” he says, “I see Sunday morning.”
Oh my GOD, that was incredibly sweet.
With that, each couple retreats to their Fantasy Suite.
(Joe and Serena do not dabble in any culinary erotica, thank goodness.)
Three couples, three ill-conceived engagements.
In the lead-up to the proposals, Riley is the only one who expresses doubts about getting engaged.
“I’m gonna think some more today, all right?”
he whispers to Maurissa as they say goodbye that morning.
This very rational statement sends Maurissa into a spiral.
“I wanna be engaged,” she says, weeping.
“I didn’t go through all this for nothing!”
Girl, all ofwhat?
Getting sand in your mouth after eating whipped cream off Riley’s toe?
Take a deep breath, honey.
No matter what happens, your life will go on.
Unfortunately, we do have to see these two again:
Seriously, TeamParadise?
You couldn’t payLil Jonto stay a few more weeks?
Kenny and Mari hit the Proposal PlatformTM first.
After stumbling around a bit, Kenny finds his voice.
“Mari, I am so f—ing in love with you!
I literally can’t see my life without you.”
“Oh man, these old bones!”
Anyhow, Mari says yes.
Will things go as smoothly for Maurissa and Riley?
She certainly looks worried as she slooooowly makes her way down the stairs to the beach.
(Hey,youtry walking down cobblestone stairs in stiletto heels!)
“This morning Riley said that he may not propose,” says Maurissa.
“I’ve never felt this nervous.”
Okay, Riley, it’s time to kneel or cut bait.
What’s it gonna be?
“Maurissa, I love you,” he says.
“I hate you, but I love you!”
she squeals, admiring her shiny new rock.
Last but not least: Serena and Joe.
As you may have noticed, there’s still about 30 minutes left in the episode.
Clearly, we’re gonna have to sit through some shenanigans.
Tell us something we don’t already know.
Why are you herenow, Kendall?
“I’m really excited for you and Serena,” she says.
Well… okay then?
Truly a mystery for the ages.
Once Kendall leaves, Joe takes a little walk on the beach.
“My ex did just show up on the beach,” he reveals.
“If anything, it just made me more confident in how much that I do love you.”
Did you notice how Joe’s voice broke when he said, “Will you marry me?”
I’ll admit, I got a little misty despite my best efforts to stay dry-eyed.
“Oh my God, my family’s gonna kill me,” says Serena gleefully.
“I’m sure they’re gonna kill me first,” Joe replies.
Well, rose lovers, it’s all over by the time-killing montage ofParadisehighlights and lowlights.
Then comes the best update of all:
Karma, she is a bitch.
As for our engaged couples, they’re apparently all still together.
At long last, this season’sParadise"journey” is over.
Is there anyone from this season that you’d like to see back next season?
And will you be back here in two weeks for the secondBacheloretteseason premiere of 2021?
Post your thoughts below!
