She is also not a fan of the after-show.
She came up with the X plan to skillfully hide the fake idol after opening the Birdcage.
She kept her own idol a secret, even from her biggest allies.
Carolyn Wiger on ‘Survivor 44’.CBS
How does Carolyn feel about her game now?
What surprised her most about the votes she didn’t get at the final Tribal Council?
And how did it feel watching herself back on TV?
Carolyn Wiger on ‘Survivor 44’.Robert Voets/CBS
ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: First off, how confident were you walking into that final Tribal Council?
And I don’t want to say that I wasn’t confident.
I kept telling myself, “I can do this.
Carolyn Wiger on ‘Survivor 44’.Robert Voets/CBS
I can do this.”
That’s my honest answer.
I wasn’t as confident as I wanted to be.
A ‘super f—ing confused’ Carolyn Wiger on ‘Survivor 44’.CBS
Going into the merge, I was like, “I’m going to do it!”
And when I got to final Tribal, I did not have that same energy.
Mentally, I just was not all there.
I think that the game just took a toll on me.
And here’s the deal.
I did not have all that fight.
And it’s heartbreaking.
I felt like at that point almost like I wasn’t good enough.
It was just really hard.
It was really f—ing hard.
Do you feel good enough now?
In the sense of the whole experience?
If she doesn’t win this season, I’m going to be crushed."
What’s it been like taking that all in?
I don’t have any regrets.
It feels good to hear from people who are like, “I feel so heard by you.
I can relate to you.”
Because watching, I could not relate to a lot of people.
It was just so meaningful to me to be able to do that.
I never look at this as a game.
I always say, this isn’t football.
It’s not to me.
It’s more than that.
It is so human.
There are so many emotions involved.
It will never be just a game to me.
Being able to be myself and reach people like I am, it’s so overwhelming.
I’m so grateful and it’s just so much gratitude.
I just want to talk to everybody and hug everybody, because I’m no different than them.
I’m a fan who applied.
So being able to reach people, that is what I wanted.
That was my first and foremost thing.
I wanted to reach people.
I know I’m not everybody’s cup of tea.
And it’s been great.
What’s the experience been like watching yourself?
Why did I do that?
Why am I acting this way?"
What was that experience like for you?
I’m not on TV every day, how would I know?
Seeing it and watching myself, I was terrified.
There were times where I was watching alone in the closet and scared.
But it has been good.
I’m so proud of myself and it feels good.
I love that I said that!
I love that I shared that, because it’s real.
Like, I never even thought of that.
I was like, I’m here.
So I’ve been loving it.
Listen, no disrespect to Yam Yam, because he played an incredible game and is a great winner.
And Heidi was a boss down the stretch.
But I was absolutely shocked that you didn’t get any votes.
And were there any votes that you thought you might get that you didn’t?
But yeah, it hurt!
And I thought that Frannie would.
I thought Frannie might vote for me.
I thought Carson might vote for me.
But to be honest, those were the only two that I thought would vote for me.
I knew Danny, he’s not voting for someone like me!
Brandon is not going to vote for me.
Like, “You haven’t proven yourself.”
Then I sure as hell am not going to prove myself at the final Tribal.
I didn’t have that.
I was not good at challenges.
And here’s the deal: This is season 44.
I didn’t think people cared like this much about challenges.
But yeah, I was shocked as hell!
I was like… Carson?
Yeah, it hurt.
I expected those two to vote for me.
What was that like for you?
Like, Jeff, stop doing that!
But like, no, “That’s when it’s real.”
And I get why he does it.
Like yeah, it’s real.
I have not watched that part of it yet.
“How does it feel to not get any votes?”
It is literally an interrogation.
And you have all these people, they’re all ready and smelling great.
And we’re like stinky old dogs.
The pressure is real.
There is no break.
Like, gimme the pizza.
It felt like crap.
Mentally, I was just like, get me out of here.
And I just thought, there are reasons why they cast people with contrasting personalities.
But he’s a great person.
He’s hilarious, but he knew how to get under my skin.
Just all those funny arguments, and it drove me freaking crazy.
But it also showed me, this is why this game is so hard.
it’s possible for you to’t go anywhere.
You’re stuck with these people.
Are you going to do this again when they ask you to do this again?
Because they’re definitely going to ask you to do this again.
Why do you say that?
What do you mean, why do I say that?
You just told me how you were on the screen the entire time!
Of course they’re going to ask you to play again
I can’t think about that.
Like, of course.
Is that even a question?
Did this experience change you?
How are you different?
Of course it did.
I’ve been up and down.
And I end it.
It’s changed me.
I’m proud of myself and I’m realizing, it’s okay to be proud of myself.
I can still be proud of myself even though I probably made mistakes along the way.
I wanted to go through the whole game without ever saying anything bad to myself.
Yeah, I did that sometimes, but that’s okay, too.
I don’t need to beat myself up about this.
I truly am proud.
I’m just so freaking grateful.
I’m not answering… what was the question?
I don’t know.
It was an absolute joy to watch you all season long.
And I know a lot of people loved your story and can’t wait to see more of it.
And I can’t wait to see more of it.
Do you realize that as a fan it’s just crazy being here and doing this?
And you’re like right across… Oh my God.
I’m just grateful.
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
