Glee: 50 quippy Sue Sylvester gems

Bryan (Neil Patrick Harris):“You ever heard of the term ‘anger sex’?”

Sue:“The only kind I know, Bryan.”

‘‘So you like show tunes.

Jane Lynch, Glee, … | Bryan (Neil Patrick Harris, pictured): You ever heard of the term ‘anger sex’? Sue: The only kind I know.

Fox

It doesn’t mean you’re gay.

It just means you’re awful.’’

‘‘I may buy a small diaper for your chin because it looks like a baby’s ass.’’

Glee, Jane Lynch | ‘‘I’m gonna make it a habit to not stop and talk to students because this has been a colossal waste of my time.''

‘‘What’s that smell?

It’s usually masked by the smell of fear.’’

‘‘I will no longer be carrying around photo ID.

Glee, Jane Lynch | ‘‘So you like show tunes. It doesn’t mean you’re gay. It just means you’re awful.''

People should know who I am.’’

‘‘How do you two not have a show onBravo?’’

‘‘You don’t deserve the power ofMadonna…. ‘‘You think this is hard?

Glee, Jane Lynch, … | ‘‘I might buy a small diaper for your chin, because it looks like a baby’s ass.''

I’m passing a gallstone as we speak.

That is hard!’’

‘‘I’m going to ask you to smell your armpits.

Glee, Jane Lynch | ‘‘What’s that smell? It’s coffee. It’s usually masked by the smell of fear.''

That’s the smell of failure, and it’s stinking up my office.’’

Sue:‘‘Iron tablet?

It keeps your strength up while you’re menstruating.’’

Glee, Jane Lynch | ‘‘I will no longer be carrying around photo ID. Know why? People should know who I am.''

Will (Matthew Morrison):‘‘I don’t menstruate.’’

Sue:‘‘Yeah?

Neither do I.’’

Glee, Jane Lynch | ‘‘How do you two not have a show on Bravo?''

‘‘I’m about to projectile express myself all over your Hush Puppies.’’

‘‘You think this was hard?

Try auditioning forBaywatchand being told they’re going in another direction.

Glee, Jane Lynch, … | ‘‘You don’t deserve the power of Madonna…. Simply put, you have all the sexuality of all those pandas down at the zoo who refuse to

That was hard.’’

‘‘I’m all about empowerment.

‘‘You’re dealing with children.

Glee, Jane Lynch, … | ‘‘I thought I smelled cookies wafting from the ovens of the little elves that live in your hair.''

They need to be terrified.

It’s like mother’s milk to them.’’

Sue:‘‘I am about to vomit down your back.’’

Glee, Jane Lynch | ‘‘You think this is hard? I’m passing a gallstone as we speak. That is hard!''

‘‘I always thought the desire to procreate showed deep, personal weakness.’’

‘‘I don’t trust a man with curly hair.

I can’t help picturing small birds laying sulfurous eggs in there, and I find it disgusting.’’

Glee, Jane Lynch

Fox

‘‘I can’t stand the sight of kids getting emotional, unless it’s from physical exhaustion.’’

Know why I did that?

Because they tried to get me to pay their closing costs.’’

Jane Lynch, Glee, … | ‘‘That was the most offensive thing I’ve seen in 20 years of teaching — and that includes an elementary school production of Hair .''

‘‘I like minorities so much, I’m thinking of moving to California to become one.’’

‘‘Look at me.

Even in the heat of battle, I’m so elegant, regal.

Glee, Jane Lynch | Sue: ‘‘Iron tablet? It keeps your strength up when you menstruate.’’ Will: ‘‘I don’t menstruate.’’ Sue: ‘‘Neither do I.''

I am Ajax, mighty Greek warrior.’’

‘‘I, for one, think intimacy has no place in a marriage.

Walked in on my parents once, and it was like seeing two walruses wrestling.’’

Jane Lynch, Glee | ‘‘I’m about to projectile express myself all over your Hush Puppies.''

‘‘You sunk my battleship, Rod.

And you sunk it hard.’’

‘’…I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat.

Glee, Jane Lynch | ‘‘You think this was hard? Try auditioning for Baywatch and being told they’re going in another direction. That was hard.''

I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat.

‘‘Me, I never wanted kidsdon’t have the time, don’t have the uterus.’’

‘'[Wheelchair ramps] are what I call lazy-makers.

Glee, Jane Lynch | ‘‘I’m all about empowerment. I empower my Cheerios to live in a state of constant fear by creating an environment of irrational, random terror.''

They discourage our able-bodied students from getting their proper exercise by using the stairs.’’

Sue to Santana (Naya Rivera), post-boob job:“Oh, and Boobs McGee?

Now take your juicy, vine-ripened chest fruit and get the hell out of my office.”

Glee, Jane Lynch | ‘‘You’re dealing with children. They need to be terrified. It’s like mother’s milk to them.''

“In my office, I have a chair with a naked butt sweat stain to prove it.

It’s like an ink blot test, that butt sweat stain.

“By the power vested in me by a website, I hereby pronounce you Sue and Sue.

Glee, Jane Lynch | Will: ‘‘I will destroy you.’’ Sue: ‘‘I am about to vomit down your back.’’ — Sue and Will, whispering into each other’s ear while forced

You may kiss yourself.”

Kurt(Chris Colfer): “I know what it’s like to lose someone.

When someone dies, it hurts.”

Glee, Jane Lynch | ‘‘I always thought the desire to procreate showed deep personal weakness.''

Sue:“Very astute, Porcelain.

That’s a little nugget of wisdom I’d really like to jot down.”

And I am literally horny with fear.”

Glee, Jane Lynch | ‘‘I don’t trust a man with curly hair. I can’t help picturing small birds laying sulfurous eggs in there, and I find it disgusting.''

“Brittany (Heather Morris) thought of it.

Sue:“Commercials aren’t real life.

Advertisers are manipulative alcoholics who use images to play on our emotions.

Glee, Jane Lynch | ‘‘I can’t stand the sight of kids getting emotional, unless it’s from physical exhaustion.''

Haven’t you seenMad Men?”

Becky (Lauren Potter): “No.”

Sue:“Neither have I.”

Glee, Jane Lynch | ‘‘I am going to create an environment so toxic no one will want to be part of that club. Like the time I sold my

“Dear Journal, it’s Christmas again.

“What is with you glee club ex-pats?

Don’t you have jobs?

Glee, Jane Lynch | ‘‘I like minorities so much, I’m thinking of moving to California to become one.''

“America, your prayers have been answered.

Sue Sylvester is back at McKinley.”

“Oh, kindly let it be anotherJourneysong!

Glee, Jane Lynch | ‘‘Look at me. Even in the heat of battle, I’m so elegant, regal. I am Ajax, mighty Greek warrior.''

There’s got to be another one left!”

“Oh, no.

No, no, no.

Glee, Jane Lynch | ‘‘I, for one, think intimacy has no place in a marriage. Walked in on my parents once, and it was like seeing two walruses wrestling.''

Don’t you dare.

“It looks like you’re Batman, only gay.

I guess it’s like you’re Batman.”

Glee, Jane Lynch | ‘‘You sunk my battleship, Rod. And you sunk it hard.''

But, that seemed childish.

So, I, uh, just peed everywhere.”

“I waterboarded myself.”

Glee, Jane Lynch | ‘’…I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And

Glee, Jane Lynch | ‘‘Me, I never wanted kids — don’t have the time, don’t have the uterus.''

''[Wheelchair ramps] are what I call lazy-makers. They discourage able-bodied students from getting proper exercise by using the stairs.''

Glee, Jane Lynch | ‘‘If I have a pregnant girl doing a handspring into a double layout, the judges aren’t going to be admiring her impeccable form, they’re going