TheX-Menhave been around for more than 50 years.
They multiply: rapidly, frequently, endlessly.
With one very obvious exception and a few other arguable exceptions, the X-Men aren’t Solo-Star people.
Credit: Marvel Entertainment
They are a team.
Or rather,teams.
I grew up reading comic books in the ’90s.
I read all of Grant Morrison’s 2000sX-Menrun and have only occasionally kept up since then.
I got to 60, counting “that guy with the face fromX-Men 2099.”
I apologize if I missed one of your deep-cut favorite characters.
I’m only human, unlike everyone that follows:
100.
Maggott represents the latter in extremis.
I rest my case.
They say absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Rachel Summers/Phoenix
The daughter of Cyclops and Jean Grey from an alternate future.
Pete Wisdom
A member of the British offshoot team Excalibur.
Or maybe “Wizdym” because of the ’90s.
Joseph, the Magneto Clone
Clones,ugh.
Clear attempt to create a “nice” version of a totally badass character,ugh.
Dr. Cecilia Reyes
Hails from the same period as Maggott.
Barely even wanted to be an X-Man, barely was.
Wild Child
Everyone loves Wolverine.
Nobody loves Wolverine rip-offs, which hasn’t stopped Marvel from chugging them out.
(See#75.)
A mutant prostitute who had snakeskin and could read people’s emotions with pheromones.
Random
There are some words that pop up a lot with X-people after the ’90s.
“Psionic” is one of them, and so is “protoplasmic.”
They’re all thesaurus words for “does lots of energy stuff that reacts to things that happen.”
Random was one of those protoplasmic guys, but I have a soft spot for gun arms.
Meggan is one of those people.
Interesting in theoryco-created by Alan Moore!and boring in practice.
Caliban
Ohhh, that’s from Shakespeare!
But Copycat could also imitate people’s powers.
Also, inDeadpool: The Circle Chase, she had fun chemistry with pre-lysergic Deadpool.
(See:#25.)
But I am against those characters when they can’t even settle on a self-consciously “dangerous” codename.
Sway
No, not that Sway.
This girl was introduced very briefly.
She had really cool time manipulation powers, and then she died immediately.
If Boom-Boom had died immediately, she might rank higher.
Slipstream
See “Lifeguard.”
Lifeguard
See “Slipstream.”
Dani Moonstar
Had lots of “psionic” powers.
Like, could create illusions.
I feel like there are hardcoreNew Mutantsfans who love Dani Moonstar.
Juggernaut
A semi-decent X-Men villain who got goodified into a pretty inessential X-Men hero.
Since only his “goodness” record is counted, he doesn’t rank very high.
But even if you count the “badness,” he’s most famous as an Internet meme.
Micromax
Also from Excalibur.
Cooler than he sounds, though not by much.
Magma
Could do stuff with lava.
Mimic
The first new addition to the X-Men.
Cyclops' red glasses, Angel’s wings, Marvel Girl’s telekinesis.
A vision of rip-offs to come.
Vulcan
Alias Gabriel Summers (warning sign!
I tend to be incredibly skeptical of any X-Men story that involves the words “in space.”
Petra
Had pretty awesome geo-morphing powers, which allowed her to mold different types of earth.
Basically had the power to doFrom Dust, which I realize isa reference no one will understand.
Died the same day as Sway.
Ranking her relatively high mainly because she looked cool.
Lady Mastermind
Like Mastermind, but a lady this time.
Hope Summers
A relatively recent addition to the time-hopping Summers family.
Sort of vibes like yet another attempt to bring back Jean Grey without bringing back Jean Grey.
(She looked awesome: Vintage Chris Bachalo.)
So, like, that’s something.
Darwin
Cool powers: The ability to radically evolve to match whatever situation he finds himself in.
Feels like a character with untapped potential.
X-23
Female (yay!)
clone (oof) of Wolverine (aaghhh.)
Was briefly my go-to character inMarvel vs. Capcom 3.
Widget
A wacky robot that turned out to be the alternate-universe future version of Kitty Pryde.
Lockheed
Kitty Pryde’s pet dragon.
Polaris
Controlled metal, like her father Magneto.
Was a woman, unlike Magneto.
Had really cool green hair.
We’re in the sixties here, people, “cool green hair” still counts for something.
I’m tempted to bump up Sabretooth considerably because hisAge of Apocalypseiteration was kind of lovable.
But the important thing to remember here is that Sabretooth is Wolverine with fingernail claws and terrible hair.
Daytripper/Magik/Amanda Sefton
Another Excalibur person with a confusing array of powers, some of them magical.
Am I severely underrating Excalibur here?
Is this like Robbie Williams or Steve Coogan, something that only British people understand?
None of these powers have anything to do with the others.
A badass haircut only goes so far.
Thunderbird and Warpath
Two Apache brothers with basically identical powers who wear basically identical kinda-cool Apache uniforms.
Their powers are Being Powerful.
Mondo
One thing Generation X had going for it was weird-power eccentricity.
Take Mondo, who could assume the properties of any matter he came in contact with.
Touch a rock, become a rock.
Touch a tree, become a tree.
Demerits because “Mondo” turned out to be a clone (drink!)
of another character named Mondo.
Armor
A recent addition Japanese teenager who can make an energy exoskeleton around herself.
Hence, “armor.”
Looks cooler than it sounds.
Hepzibah
An original member of the Starjammers, which means “space,” which means skeptical.
Karma
“Psionic” abilities (drink!)
defined this founding member of the New Mutants.
One of the first lesbian characters in a mainstream comic book.
Seems like a really well-rounded person.
Xorn
Introduced during Morrison’s great, bizarre run onNew X-Men.
A really fascinating character…WHO TURNED OUT TO BE MAGNETO!
Founding member of Generation X.
Generation X is so cool, it makes X-Factor look like Excalibur.
Still, you have to admit: Shewasthe ’70s, even if she finally appeared in the ’80s.
Like Feral except boring.
Slightly older than the other X-Men, and thus has a natural parent-mode default.
He could understand all languages and decode all ciphers (hence his original codename.)
Then Doug Ramsay and Warlock were double-resurrected into a single lifeform, known as “Douglock.”
Now they’re separate again.
If Shane Carruth ever makes a comic book movie, it will probably be a lot like that.
Has a great backstory, has a great costume, and never really added much to the X-mythology.
Nocturne
Daughter of an alternate-reality Nightcrawler and Scarlet Witch.
Basically, a mash-up of two completely different characters, which turns out isn’t the worst idea.
X-Force was theNew Hopeto Generation X’sEmpire Strikes Back.
Fantomex
Another escapee from the program that created Wolverine.
Models a retro-cool white-on-white trenchcoat-mask combo.
If this were the ’70s, Fantomex would already have his own TV show.
Rictor
A key member of X-Force right when I was getting into X-Force.
Later became a detective.
Or a “human cannonball” I guess if you want to be prosaic.
Often written with an annoying accent.
Separate confession: I like Aquaman, too.
Angel/Archangel
Angel is a totally boring character with the real name “Warren Worthington III.”
He was blond, he was handsome, and he had pretty wings.
A key moment in the ’80s era wave of turning heretofore boring-nice characters into bleak and moody characters.
Points were removed because lots of people can fly and most people don’t need wings.
Here’s what I do remember about Maverick.
In the ’90s, pouches were cool and neon-metallic surfaces were cool and elaborate guns were cool.
Solid facial hair, great headband, robo-limb.
Angel Salvadore
Warren Worthington the Third, Shmorren Shmorthington the Shmird.
Currently has totally different powers: Her left hand is Iceman and her right hand is Sunfire, basically.
Domino
The definitive Rob Liefeld heroine, a tough chick with a big gun and skintight leather.
Has “luck” powers, which is ridiculous, but also has a long-running romance/friendship/only-person-who-really-understands-me-but-also-we-can’t-ever-be-together situation with Cable.
The black circle over her left eye makes her arguably the easiest character to cosplay well.
Chamber
Has “psionic” powers.
And most of his chest.
He has no mouth.
Siryn
Daughter of Banshee, which basically means she’s a younger female-y Banshee.
Raised by a bad guy, had a legit unsettling kinda-romance with Deadpool.
Recently developed a lot of magical powers.
Has red hair, always a huge plus on the page.
Should be played by Saoirse Ronan if there is ever anX-Force movie.
Died of the Legacy Virusa deadly plague that affected the early-’90s X-Versethen came back to life from hell.
Basically lived a life that was somewhere between Michael Moorcock andLabyrinthandGod of War.
But the key thing here is: Sword!
Sunspot
Basically Sunfire, except I had him as an action figure.
Cue Longshot, a revolutionary from a dystopian nether-world that’s basicallyRunning ManBeyond Thunderdome.
Then he became an X-Man and mostly stopped being interesting for decades thereafter.
Marvel Girl/Jean Grey/Phoenix/Madelyne Pryor
There are lots of people who are ride-or-die Jean Grey fans.
Danger
For decades, the X-Men trained inside of the Danger Room, a proto-holodeck mutant gym.
But what if the Danger Room was a living artificial being?
And what if it assumed an evil robo-female form?
And what if then it joined the X-Men?
Share a hive mind, which allows them to perform all manner of freaky brain-related actions.
Retroactively revealed as clone daughter-sisters of Emma Frost.
Basically seem like evil Hitlerette-style fascists, which makes their general heroism surprisingly endearing.
Iceman
I prefer earlier-funnier Bobby Drake.
But a good demonstration that simple powers are often better.
I never realized how much I loved X-Force until today.
Jubilee
Dazzler for the ’90s, which is to say, is a much cooler version of Dazzler.
I think she’s a vampire now?
Baz Luhrmann would make a great Jubilee movie.
I give in, Liefeld, I give in!
One is green and one is pink.
Psylocke
Sister of Captain Britain who got her head embedded inside of a Japanese ninja mutant.
Lots of people are telepathic, but not everyone can make a pink-hued blade of telepathic energy.
I realize that Psylocke is the very definition of a twelve-year-old male fantasy, and I don’t care.
Naturally, he went crazy, with various multiple-personality disorders all circling a god complex.
Somehow managed to reappear, had lots of freaky adventures, and ultimately erased himself from reality.Again.
Legion is a powerful counterargument in the other direction.
Alternate-reality Magneto was a noble revolutionary, a family man (married to Rogue!
And unlike other characters on this list, AoA Magneto had a complete story arc.
Marrow
Pulls bones out of her body, and turns them into weapons.
Superhero body horror at its finest.
Giger would’ve loved her.
Kitty Pryde
If you’re from Generation Xthe demographic, not the superteamyou probably rank Kitty Pryde way higher.
(She’s referenced in a Weezer song.)
Has great powers, and is the go-to everygal.
The ability to self-multiply has led to all kinds of weird popcorn-existential momentsare his duplicates “people”?
What happens if they die?
Husk
There are shapeshifters.
There are people who can assume different “forms,” like metal or stone.
Mystique
Is she an X-Man?
I’m adding her because the very paradox ofMystiqueis that she’s impossible to pin down.
And because “Get Mystique” is one of the best Wolverine stories ever.
Professor X
The best thing about Charles Xavier is that he’s not Patrick Stewart.
Also, he married a space empress.
Havok
Probably the least explicable character in my top 20.
His ridiculous costume only makes him more endearing.
Colossus
Superstrong Russian who is variously lovable, brooding, or lovably brooding.
The sound of my youth is the sound of Colossus going “oooooooOOOAAAAAAAAA” in theX-Menarcade game.
Deadpool
Serious question: IsDeadpoolreally an X-Man?
Serious answer: Boom!
Maybe the greatest comic book character who is absolutely inexplicable to anyone who has never read comics.
He’s like an artisanal comic book character.
Who breaks the fourth wall.
And is actually funny.
Gambit
There isGambithate in the world.
(He has the power of “hypnotic charm,” which vibes all kinds of wrong nowadays.)
Fair enough, but DISAGREE.
His fundamental tone is Sly Wink.
The ideal Gambit movie would beRounderswith explosions.
Beast
Brilliant scientist, tortured by his own brilliance, prone to experimenting on himself.
A voice of reason who is frequently unreasonable.
He’s like Spock and McCoy combined together, except with blue fur.
And Cable is all that and more.
All this and more, and yet brilliance.
A cyborg arm is actually a virus that always threatens to kill him.
Also, nothing wrong with a big gun.
Nightcrawler
The single coolest-looking X-Man ever.
There is no comparison.
There is no close second, only distant thirds.
Also, “Kurt Wagner” might be the best Real Name in comic books.
(Touch them too long and they die.)
Rogue is how you teach kids about melancholy.
Storm
AndStormis how you teach kids about awesome.
Cyclops
There is Cyclops hate in the world because we are all children.
In 2000, Marsden played Cyclops onscreen as a sixth wheel.
(Key revelation: Scott wants to be a good guy, but he likes the bad girl.)
More recently, Cyclops went Full Antihero, killing his mentor.
The best is yet to come.
It is too obvious; I want to be different.
He’s a barfight samurai, hilarious comic relief and/or a bruised leader dripping with gravitas.
Wolverine is all things.
