“Watching myself get hurt on a loop was not anything that I was looking forward to.
It was definitely a traumatic experience for me.”
Of course, it wasn’t quite that simple for Matthew Grinstead-Mayle.
Matthew Grinstead-Mayle on ‘Survivor 44’.Robert Voets/CBS
His journey to even get onSurvivor 44was long and arduous.
He applied for years.
He studied the game.
Matthew Grinstead-Mayle on ‘Survivor 44’.Robert Voets/CBS
He built challenges in his backyard.
When Matthew finallydidget on the show, he set out to aggressively embrace the adventure perhapstooaggressively.
When Matthew fell, his chancestumbled down with him.
Matthew Grinstead-Mayle on ‘Survivor 44’.Robert Voets/CBS
Did Matthew ever get an opportunity to say goodbye to his tribe?
What happened after he left the game?
And how is the shoulder now?
The Soka tribe on ‘Survivor 44’.Robert Voets/CBS
So when and where was that decision made?
One thing that they didn’t really allude to was how much pain I was actually in.
I had to have shoulder surgery, months and months and months of PT.
The laundry list of things that had to be addressed with my surgery is quite long.
You made that decision at the examination after the challenge?
I could not move my arm.
At that point, I had dislocated it twice in the game.
I tore my rotator cuff, I tore the lining of my shoulder.
The extensiveness of my injuries [was] really, really wearing on me.
I wasn’t really listening to the doctor’s orders.
My shoulder had popped out of the socket during the challenge.
The adrenaline’s going and you’re just like, “I want to finish this.
I’m not gonna stop.”
Did you get a chance to say goodbye to your tribe?
I did not get a chance to say goodbye to my tribe.
And I was sitting on an idol like, literally.
We bonded after our first Tribal and there was a kumbaya sense of unity.
I really would’ve loved for one of them to see it through the end.
So I would’ve pushed for one of them.
You’re saying that idol would’ve changed hands, but to whose hands?
At the time, it probably would’ve gone into Kane’s hands.
Kane and I at the time were extremely close.
He was what I would’ve considered my number one.
At that point in time, Brandon and I had formed a very loose alliance during the coconut challenge.
[Laughs] It was the nuts that dragged us all down!
But that alliance was very loose.
When we got into the actual day-to-day, he and Lauren were connecting very, very strongly.
That led up to the first Tribal and me playing my Shot in the Dark.
All those things all came together.
I would have given Kane the idol subtly if I could.
What happened next after you got on that boat out of the game?
Unfortunately, after I get boated off, we were still in Fiji in aSurvivorCOVID bubble.
They can’t reset anything.
They can’t do surgery.
None of those things are going to happen.
Or do I want to leave the bubble, come back, and then have to be quarantined?
It was really just a conversation of when do I want to get medical care?
Did sleeping and eating better at Ponderosa make you feel a little bit better?
I had massive cuts on of my feet from my fall.
They kept showing that footage of you falling down off of that rock.
What was it like seeing that, because I could see that being prettytraumatic to watch?
We, as a cast, have access to a psychologist.
Like, I don’t want to see that.
Watching people get hurt is not something that I seek out.
So, watching myself get hurt on a loop was not anything that I was looking forward to.
It was definitely a traumatic experience for me.
To be honest with you, the actual fall, I have no memory of it.
It’s completely blacked out of my mind.
I see that is me, but I do not remember the fall.
What’s it been like for your husband to watch it?
He doesn’t want to see me get hurt.
It was a rough recovery.
So much of my mental health is tied into my physicality and my ability to be outside.
Sitting on a couch is something that’s going to send me into a negative space.
And it truly was.
But I’m very grateful that he was there for me and he knows me really well.
He helped me navigate through one of the roughest times that I’ve ever had.
Let’s talk about some non-shoulder-related issues.
I know that Lauren has this advantage.
I knew where everything was going, and I wanted to vote with Maddy and Kane.
I knew that Kane was going to be on the outs because he’s going to vote for Brandon.
Jaime is scared and is not really strategically aligning with anyone.
Brandon and Lauren are getting close at this point, so I see them as a power couple.
Jaime’s scared, so I can pull her in.
And then Brandon’s not acting all cagey because people are after him.
He still thinks that I’m aligned with him.
It allowed me to act in a very subtle way and it kept my hands clean.
My goal was to flush that idol and find it.
And that’s exactly what I did.
It was day 9 on the island, and I was scavenging for food.
Our island was completely decimated.
There just wasn’t anything.
We had maybe about two to three acres of area that we could live on.
So, I am on the outskirts looking, and I have six coconuts for my whole haul.
And I’m walking so slowly, and I see a piece of candy on the ground.
[Laughs] Literally a piece of candy in a wrapper.
I told myself: Do not chew this, do not chew this, do not chew this.
I hid until that candy dissolved in my mouth.
And it was the best piece of lemon candy I’ve ever had in my entire life.
Hey, there’s been other stuff that’s washed ashore.In Panama, they found cocaine!
There was no cocaine on the beach!
I was cast and COVID hit, everything went bonkers.
So that gave me this huge amount of time to prepare.
If I went on41, I would not have been the player that I was for44.
I wouldn’t have been, there’s no way.
I built every single thing I could make.
If I couldn’t find it in my world, I made it.
I would break down challenges into pieces.
Okay, got that part.
Okay, I need to spin around and then I [need] to run this way.
Okay, got that part."
[Laughs] I’m telling you, right now my bags are already packed.
Tell me what color to be and I will make it happen.
I still affected the game.
I still was an impact in the game.
It’s going to be legendary.
So I’ve got to step it up.
Training for me next time started months ago.
I’m already back in the gym, full training sessions.
No rock climbing this time, though.
[Laughs] Not without gear and shoes.
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
