Did you know Ewoks can speak English and also have awesome magical powers?
And once you see it, you’ll wish you could forget it.
But enough about theStar Wars Holiday Special!That’s because we’ve got Ewoks on the brain.
Aubree Miller in ‘Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure’.Eva Sereny/Lucasfilm/Kobal/Shutterstock
Or, more specifically, 1980s Ewok TV movies.
And those would be the two Ewok movies that aired on the ABC data pipe in the mid-1980s.
Before we dive into this low-budget oddity and what makes it so confounding and confusing, a little background.
Aubree Miller and Eric Walker in ‘Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure’.Eva Sereny/Lucasfilm/Kobal/Shutterstock
I’ve already told you way more than deserves to be told to anyone about this film.
I really should stop now.
In fact, I probably should have stopped before I even began.
‘Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure’.Eva Sereny/Lucasfilm/Kobal/Shutterstock
Only he doesn’t call it a blaster.
He repeatedly refers to it as his “gun.”
Yet that’s what Mace keeps calling his blaster here.
Aubree Miller in ‘Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure’.Eva Sereny/Lucasfilm/Kobal/Shutterstock
Did nobody read the script and catch that?
Anyway, let’s go back to what a jerk this kid is.
Nor does he thank his saviors for providing them with food and medicine, instead choosing to demandmore.
“Where’s the medicine.
We need some MORE medicine!
We need more medicine!
She needs more medicine!
We need some more medicine.
We need more medicine.
We need more of this!”
That’s not me making up or stringing together different, isolated lines of dialogue.
That is an actualexactquote from this whiny little brat.
And he never gets any better.
The Ewoks Now Speak English
I wish I was making this up, but I am not.
Somehow over the course ofCaravan of Courage, the Ewoks start… speaking English?
More importantly… WHY IS HE TALKING?!?
Is this now officially canon that Ewoks have apparently gained the power of human speech?
I legitimately threw up in my mouth a little when that happened.
The Ewoks Use Magic!
Because according toCaravan of Courage, they also wield the awesome power of magic!
(In typical Mace fashion, the teenager responds with “So what?
It turned into a lizard.
I don’t think these guys are going to help us, sis.
C’mon, let’s get out of here.”
Why Kaink agrees to go on the journey with them when Mace clearlyfailedthe magic test is never explained.
The Ewoks at some point in the film just start going magic crazy.
Only through the power of Wicket’s magic walking stick is Mace saved.
But when did Endor become the Magic Kingdom?
That’s just the way it works.
BecauseAn Ewok Adventureis filled with regular old Earth animals.
Logray the mystic even has an owl!
We also see a random goat at one point eat through a rope.
Again:They have goats on Endor!That seems like breaking news to me.
And… well, actually that’s about it.
(Unless you include the five-minute scene of an Ewok hang gliding, which I most certainly do.)
THEY MADE ANOTHER EWOKS TV MOVIE!
YES, A SEQUEL!
CARAVAN OF COURAGE GOT A SEQUEL!
