Kiernan Shipka’s Sabrina Spellman has finally arrived in Riverdale.
Cheryl Blossom, we hardly knew you.
This week’sRiverdaleis all about the Blossom women … who are actually all the same woman?
Madelaine Petsch and Kiernan Shipka on ‘Riverale’.Kailey Schwerman/The CW
We’ll get to that.
But first, let’s break this down one Blossom at a time.
This one is between Abigail Blossom and Thomasina Topaz, a teacher Abigail hires to help teach her girls.
At first, Abigail isn’t a fan of Thomasina’s plans for the curriculum.
But Thomasina has a past, and one night, it comes knocking.
More specifically, Thomasina killed her husband, but Abigail is quick to protect her.
So now, Thomasina and Abigail can finally be happy together!
But Thomasina isn’t buying it.
Even in the 1800s, this town was a magnet for serial killers!
And yet, Abigail is forced to marry him when he threatens Thomasina’s life.
She then runs to find Thomasina, but it’s too late.
Finn already killed her.
Speaking of Finn, he’s somehow not dead?!
She is swinging that axe like she’s Chip Gaines going at a brick wall with a sledgehammer.
And then this guy walks in with a couple holes in his wife beater.
Are you kidding?!
Finn then finally dies.
Essentially, it seems the women gather to complain about their husbands.
Next up, Bitsy is unhappy in her marriage with Jack (Jughead), who wants another kid.
And then … Bitsy and Poppy …
But all of Poppy’s gifts quickly come back to bite her.
Jack shows up with Bitsy, and he is livid.
He threatens to kill Poppy if she doesn’t stay out of his marriage.
But she won’t be driven away from her home.
Instead of leaving, she decides to enjoy a meal out at Pop’s for all to see.
Kirk Keller (Kevin) then takes her into the station for questioning.
At least until nine months go by and suddenly, Bitsy needs Poppy’s help.
Jack and Kirk rush Poppy to the hospital, where she delivers the baby.
I have a lot of questions.
You’re telling me she’s more equipped than a doctor?!
(A year later, she slips some into Jack’s tea.)
And that brings us to Cheryl.
Step two is thearrival of Cheryl’s witch friend Sabrina Spellman.
It seems their covens share a softball league.
Sabrina explains she’s here to help Cheryl perform a transference, and together, they complete the spell.
So what was the spell you ask?
Oh, they just did a classic body swap with Nana Rose and Cheryl!
Because Cheryl was never really Cheryl.
She was always Poppy, who was always Abigail.
And now, Roseanne is young again.
This is where Sabrina explains that witches never really die.
But I’ll be honest: I don’t know how I feel about this.
So Cheryl was always Abigail?
And now we have a young Rose Blossom?
Is Cheryl really gone?!
And is that all the Sabrina we’re going to get?!
I’m not entirely sure what just happened.
But I know that Finn should’ve been dead by the second hit of that axe.
