This is going to be a fun one.
If that were true, we wouldn’t need firefighters.
(See what he did there?)
KJ Apa in Riverdale.Bettina Strauss/The CW
What happened to Riverdale’s fire department, you ask?
But here’s my question: Could they not… put out the fire?
But neither Fangs nor Kevin seems very interested.
Thankfully, Veronica calls in Katy Keene’s roommate’s ex-boyfriend did you follow that?
who just so happens to be an expert firefighter from NEW YORK.
It’s 100 percent how small-town grandmothers talk about New York.
Has he met Archie?!
This guy only knows how to run into dangerous situations without backup.
That’s what he does!
The first burning building they get, Archie runs right in!
Afterward, as Archie recovers in the hospital, Eric learns all about the terrible Hiram Lodge.
Cut to Archie having to stop Eric from literally storming off with his gun and shooting Hiram.
Instead, Archie convinces him to stay in town and become the commander of his fire department.
Archie says he can’t think of anyone better than this untrained, clearly unstable man.
So this will go well.
Then there’s Veronica, who bought an old fire truck and delivered it to the station.
The idea is that money is then reinvested into the town over and over again.
It’s how she plans to pay her students for their help remodeling her jewelry store.
But V’s plan backfires when her students print too much money, thereby devaluing it.
Here’s where we get my favorite quote from Veronica, the teacher: “Well done, class.
F’s for everyone.”
But really, she tells her students they can work it off by helping clean up the town.
Cheryl then returns home to discover that her forgery of Jason’s portrait has been discovered.
In other words, Cheryl had a very bad day.
Also having a bad day is Betty.
Translation: There are now three missing girls in Riverdale, and three is a pattern.
That’s when Betty realizes she needs back-up.
There, she finds Reggie and his trusty rifle.
(Does he just live there now?)
But Reggie actually helps this week!
He tells Betty that he found another body, and this one IS Margaret Harper.
And she appears to have been killed by a wrecking ball?
Reggie then convinces Hiram to be the “hero” and let them search the swamp.
He can build his turnpike later.
By episode’s end, Toni and Tom identify 21 missing girls in and around town.
Riverdale, shockingly, is looking at another serial killer.
But Betty wasn’t the only one dealing with bodies this week!
Some thought it was aliens, others said it was military testing from a nearby base.
Pop then points them in the direction of another eyewitness… Nana Blossom.
Nana, naturally, thinks it was aliens.
Sorry, sheknowsit was.
Because a few weeks after the light event, she found a misshapen body in the forest.
Sure, why not.
And by that I mean it looks like the aliens inSpice World.
If you know, you know.
Guys, isRiverdaledoing aliens?!
And if it’s not, how are they going to explain this all away?!
Hey, at least they’ll have a fire department to fight the aliens, if that day comes.
(And I truly hope it does.)
