Well, that was… certainly two hours of television, rose lovers.
He is happily married, ma’am!
Anyhow, it’s time for some “unfinished business.”
Nice job on the sign, ‘Bachelor’ Interns.ABC
Will Aven’s family accept her, or will it be another festival of open hostility?
“I fully expect his parents to be skeptical,” says Rachel.
“My fear is that they just won’t like me.”
Top-notch accent, Lorelai.ABC
This isn’t just Rachel being insecure.
No wonder Rachel is nervous.
Perhaps a visit toCrow Haven Corner, Salem’s premier purveyor of witchcraft supplies, will help distract her.
Aven’s parents A.J. and Dawn on ‘The Bachelorette.'.ABC
As a Masshole myself, I’ve gotta give Lorelai props for her TOP-NOTCH accent.
“It would be my plezh-ah!”
The ritual begins with a palm reading of sorts.
Aven and Rachel on ‘The Bachelorette.'.ABC
(Sorry, I mean herhaaaht.)
“I wish the both of youse the best of luck!”
Either way, poor Rachel can’t catch a break.
Roby, version 1.0 and 2.0.ABC
“Our love spell just tumbled to the floor.
I don’t know what that means,” she sighs.
“I just hope it’s not a bad sign.”
Okay, Kenny Loggins.ABC
The big parental meetup takes place atTurner’s Seafood.
Though they’ve been separated since Aven was little, both A.J.
and Dawn are there to meet his new girlfriend.
Jesse Palmer makes the big reveal.ABC
It’s the first time they’ve ever met one of his significant others together.
And they even coordinated their outfits!
After hugs and a wine toast, A.J.
The camera loves Nate.ABC
brings Rachel to the bar so they can chat alone.
To the Bachelorette’s credit, she doesn’t give a shot to dance around the question.
“Fair enough,” replies A.J.
These women forgive Nate.ABC
“I like her.
She’s great,” A.J.
“I hope it works out.”
Choose wisely.The Interwebs
Rose lovers, do I even need to tell you that she LOVES it?
Looks like the love spell worked.
Lorelai and her broken table for the win!
Give them an Emmy.ABC
(Except for Tyler, of course.)
(The footage is currently streaming on ABC.com, if you’re desperate.
Also, imagine being that desperate.)
Gabby and Rachel.ABC
On to the reunion.
Hmmm… is the blond hair an improvement?
Don’t answer that.
Jordan seems like a nice boy.ABC
“If you were more into Rachel, then, like, say that!
“Roby, you had your chance, man!”
“You were there at the mansion for four hours for a reason.
Rachel and Gabby contemplate their final roses.ABC
I mean, have some respect for the rest of us who had genuine feelings.”
You tell him, Ethan!
“If that’s seen as a bitch move, so be it.
But Other Jordan (not the race car driver) isn’t buying it.
And that’s what you did.”
The closest he comes to admitting any wrongdoing is when Palmer asks if he regrets switching teams.
“I wish I had done it in a more graceful way,” says Logan.
“But I don’t regret pursuing Gabby, no.”
And why would he?
Logan got exactly what he wanted out of this: A spot onBachelor in Paradise!
Enjoy the sickly glow of the reality TV limelight while it’s possible for you to.
YOU get a cruise!
YOU get a cruise!
YOU get a cruise!
Everybody gets acruuuuuise!”
PART 4: Nate’s Bachelor Audition
Look, most of us have loved Nate since night one.
He’s had “potential Bachelor” stamped on his forehead for weeks.
“Everything I do is for you.
Baby girl, you saved me.
I’m a better man because of you.”
The audience absolutely LOVES it.
Can’t blame them.
Nate doesn’t deny it.
Again, Nate does not dispute the story.
“I’m deeply sorry for the way that I acted,” he says.
“I should have been more communicative.
I should have been more clear in my intentions.”
Survey says… _()_/ ?
I don’t know, rose lovers.
Who did I miss, rose lovers?
Palmer wraps things up with a season 2 preview of Hulu’sThe Kardashians.
Say it with me, kids: Synergy!
PART 6: An Audience With the Queens
Oh right, this show is calledThe Bachelorette!
hey welcome Gabby and Rachel to the stage.
But I also want to be chosen."
It’s Jordan the race car driver!
Awww, remember when he got the first one-on-one date and then Rachel sent him packing that same night?
But Mr. V. has no hard feelings.
“I appreciate you so much,” he tells Rachel.
“I’m just glad I got this opportunity to be a part of your journey.”
I wonder if we’ll see him inParadise.
It’s time for Gabby to confront Jacob about that rude rejection.
“What would you like to address with him?”
Nope, that’s not how this is going to go, Jesse.
“What would you like to address withme, Jacob?”
Again, Jacob apologizes for his “hurtful” statements.
“I’m sorry for my actions,” he says, his voice breaking.
“I know you may not accept this apology, but I’m truly and deeply sorry.”
Good news: Gabbydoesaccept his apology!
All is right with the world again.
In keeping with themea culpatheme, now it’s time for Logan to seek Rachel’s forgiveness.
“But I wish I didn’t wait for the perfect time or the perfect place…
I’m trying to be better.”
Are you, though?
You turned around and went onBachelor in Paradise.
Ain’t nothing “better” about that, buddy.
(The dude is totally going to be Bachelor.)
As for the bloopers?
I’ll just leave you with this:
We’ve all been there, Gabby.
PART 7: Go seeBros, c’mon.
For one thing, I did not need to see Gabby and Mario’s awkward first kiss again.
“I’m saving it for later!”
Will you be watchingParadise?
Post your thoughts below!
