Say it again for the numskulls in the back, Gabby!
That was fast, eh rose lovers?
As well they should!
Rachel and Gabby on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Speaking of which, tonight’s rose ceremony was an absolute s—show.
“I feel like I already know something is there with me and Gabby,” says Termayne.
Gabby agrees, noting that it’s up to the men to “be assertive” and decide ASAP.
Karamo makes his ‘Bachelorette’ debut.ABC
First up: Rachel’s one-on-one date with Zach.
(That’sthis guy, in case you were wondering.
I still can’t remember any of these dudes' names… except for Nate.)
Zach and Rachel attend a fake movie premiere.ABC
Or in this case, maybe we should call it theQueer Eye for the Straight Coupledate.
Surely, they’ll all welcome her graciously and make her feel special, right?
Cut to…
Yep.
Not everyone wants to be on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
(Is “pickup football” a thing?
Don’t answer that.)
Gabby does NOT love it.
Welcome back, America’s Grandpa!.ABC
“I didn’t want to play to start.”
Even the guys who aren’t throwing the football don’t seem to be paying much attention to Gabby.
“The lack of effort is a decision at this point,” says Gabby.
A sound bath for all on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Naturally, this triggers all of Gabby’s deeply rooted insecurities.
“Because it seems like the people that I wanted to love me didn’t.”
So “unlovability” is a big fear for her.)
Grandpa has the right idea.ABC
“There are two women in the house,” he says.
“Is [Gabby] completely off the table for you?”
Way to get right to the point, Karamo!
They literally could not be a cuter couple.ABC
Zach is unfazed by the question, which is a good sign.
I felt that there were sparks, or chemistry," he says.
“I just knew in that moment that it didn’t matter that there were two Bachelorettes.
Poor Gabby.ABC
I felt something withyou.”
See, rose lovers?
Itispossible to declare a preference for one woman without insulting the other.
Franco is back on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Now go put on some pretty clothes and get ready for the “very exclusive” Hollywood movie premiere!
Awww, how nice.
Uh, sure.ABC
Then it’s Zach’s turn for a stroll down memory lane.
There he is dressed up in a teeny-tiny Robin costume for his first Halloween!
Both Zach and Rachel receive personal messages of support from their moms and there are tears all around.
Foreshadowing?.ABC
“It’s really special!”
“I did that with my dad!”
cries Rachel, tearing up again.
Ugh, Jacob.ABC
Go ahead and give him that date rose, woman!
Okay, it’s time for one-on-one date number two.
Erich, you’re up!
I’m here for this lovefest.ABC
And you betta do your best to pull Gabby out of her funk.
“Going to the house yesterday obviously backfired,” she says.
Fortunately for this date, Gabby has some reinforcements.
Jesse Palmer tells it like it is.ABC
Hell yeah, it’s Grandpa John!
Much like his granddaughter, this gentleman does not mince words.
Erich had better bring his A-game.
Time to choose a side, boys.ABC
Within ten minutes of getting there, Grandpa John seems ready to be the next Bachelor.
“Have you got a date for me?”
“You are a pervert!”
Uh-oh.ABC
Awww come on, Gabby.
Grandpas deserve a little action, too.
Oh lord what kind of woo-woo nonsense is this?
Uh-oh, part 2.ABC
The woman in the front is named Kirsha, and she’s a “sound ceremony host.”
From there it’s on to a sound bath.
Uh-oh, somebody better check on Grandpa.
Put this in the Louvre.ABC
Looks like he may have gotten a littletoorelaxed.
“At my age, any new experience is a good experience,” says Grandpa diplomatically.
“Okay where’s my beer?”
Rachel and Gabby vent to producers.ABC
From there it’s on to the bowling alley, which is much more Grandpa’s speed.
Side note: Is anyone else shipping Julie and Grandpa John?
Gah, I just want to give this poor woman a hug.
Meatball’s Hail Mary.ABC
After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Gabby steps away from the table to talk to the producers.
Survey says: Absolutely not!
Gabby, you are a queen.
Sigh.ABC
kindly stop doubting yourself.
Sometimes family members are the ones that hurt us the most and that’s on them, not you.
Eventually, Gabby returns to the table where Erich’s been waiting patiently.
“This week, it’s all landed so heavy.
Like, ‘Am I the right person for [The Bachelorette]?'”
It’s almost too much to bear.
Anyhoo, Erich gets the date rose.
And look who’s here:
Hi Franco!
(Love the pink accent on your right lapel, by the way.)
But Franco’s ready with all sorts of bizarre setups.
That’s just straight-up hostile.
And for these photos, the guys get to wear actual suits.
Dang it, why am I getting misty?
This isn’t even a real proposal.
Oh fun, the after party is at… a football stadium.
The dudes love it.
Aven shares some bubbly with Rachel on the 50-yard line I mean… Ithinkit’s the 50-yard line?
I don’t really do sports.
They toss the football flirtatiously and then smooch in the end zone.
“It’s really amazing,” gushes Rachel.
“I’m having such a good time.”
The good times keep coming for our blonde Bachelorette.
“I hope Gabby’s doing well,” says Rachel.
Spoiler alert: She is not.
First, Gabby sits down with Tyler, who has some news to share.
“I want to be straight up with you… because I respect you so much.”
The same can’t be said for Hayden, whose speech starts off bad and just keeps getting worse.
“Today gave me a lot of clarity,” he says.
Uh, ok bro but what are you trying to imply about Gabby’s “values”?
The next part made me want to punch a wall.
I’m sorry what?
We all know the guys spend plenty of time sitting around.
“Being called ‘rough around the edges’ definitely hurts,” sighs Gabby.
And the hits just keep on coming.
Jesus, Mary and Joseph!
What is wrong with these men?
FFS, just say, “You’re great, but I have a stronger connection with Rachel.”
It’s not brain surgery, meatheads!
Also, do these men not realize that Gabby and Rachel talk to each other constantly?
Any jackassery with one will be reported back to the other.
Poor Gabby is beside herself.
Damn right, woman!
When will scientists invent the technology that allows us to hug people through the TV screen?
I can’t take seeing Gabby so sad.
Because f— these guys!
“Tonight has been kind of been hard for me in ways,” says Gabby.
“So, I feel like I can’t give a rose tonight.”
The women excuse themselves for the night, and Gabby immediately fills Rachel in on what went down.
When she hears how Hayden and Jacob talked to her BFF, the blonde Bachelorette does NOT love it.
“What the f—!
Are you kidding me?”
With that, they hug goodnight.
“I’m gonna kill ‘em,” whispers Rachel under her breath.
“I’m here to find a lifelong partner.
I’m not here to teach dudes how to act.”
Say it louder for the numskulls in the back!
Both women agree that it’s time that they “make a change.”
As the cocktail party approaches, the guys don’t seem to realize that they’re on probation.
Fortunately,Jesse Palmeris here to set them straight.
The host informs them that the cocktail party is “officially canceled.”
He explains that Gabby and Rachel want to continue on their journeys separately.
“If you accept a rose tonight, you are committing to dating one woman,” he warns.
In other words: It’s decision time, ding-dongs!
Time to “choose a lane,” as Termayne said at the beginning of the episode.
Let’s do this!
Okay, so here’s how it’s gonna work.
Gabby and Rachel will take turn handing out roses as usual.
As each man accepts a rose, he joins either Erich in the #TeamGabby holding pen (a.k.a.
the living room), or #TeamRachel (Aven and Zach) outside.
And of course, if neither Bachelorette offers a contestant a rose, he will be sent packing.
Did you follow all that?
Man, and I thought therules to cricketwere complicated.
Rose ceremony roll call!
“I feel like I have a deeper connection with Gabby.”
Good Lord, rose lovers, my head is starting to hurt.
No one told me there would be math tonight!
That’s Alec (this guy), and he just rejected Rachel’s rose, too!
“I just don’t think I’m the right one for you,” he mumbles.
Poor Rachel smiles through it, but she is mortified.
Oh crap, here comes Palmer to collect another rose from her table.
Okay, let’s try this again.
The man who calls himself “Meatball” just rejected Rachel’s rose!
What in the actual fudge is going on here?
They leave the room to debrief about this rose ceremony disaster in “private” with producers.
“This was supposed to be us taking the power back,” whispers Rachel.
“We literally handed it right back to all of them by doing this.”
To review, our remaining men are… Looks like Gabby has nine men and Rachel only has eight.
What’s going on here?
Well, rose lovers, I’ll tell you.
Meatball didn’t leave when Gabby and Rachel showed him the door.
The sweaty young man hung around until he had a chance to pull Rachel aside and plead for hisBachelorettelife.
“We just didn’t get that one-on-one time,” he says.
“I really want to get to know you.
I think there are feelings that I have for you…
I’d love to just kind of give it another shot.”
From the looks of next week’s preview, Rachel says yes:
Great.
Can’t wait to watchAn American Meatball in Paris.
Welp, rose lovers, this was an eventful week, wasn’t it?
Do you think Gabby and Rachel made the men choose sides too early?
Are you annoyed that Rachel gave Hayden a rose after he was so callous with Gabby?
And should Grandpa John be the first-everSenior Bachelor?
Post your thoughts below!
