Hugs all around, y’all!
And the guys are psyched, as they should be.
“She’s beautiful!”
Credit: Craig Sjodin/ABC
“Couldn’t be better!”
Adds Zac, “You’ve never seen jaws drop [like that].”
Tayshia thanks the guys for sticking around post-Clare and assures them that she’s here for all of them.
ABC
“I want to find love.
Ivan (the very handsomeaeronautical engineer) is the first to sit down with Tayshia.
“I came in with an open heart, an open mind,” he says.
“Having you here, you are definitely more my speed…
I’m going to give this 100 percent.”
Riley is next, and bless his heart, he asks Tayshia what she does for a living.
ABC
Come on bro, don’t make her say “I’m a professional reality TV contestant-slash-Instagram-influencer-slash-Bachelor-podcast-host”!
(He’s a medical malpractice defense attorney!)
He compliments Tayshia’s smile and her “big-ass eyes,” which is… sweet, I guess?
ABC
Blake is next, and red flag alert!
he immediately launches into how hard everything has been forhim.
“I feel like I went through the wringer,” he groans.
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“It’s going to take a little bit, so be patient with me.”
You may not know this, rose lovers, but there’s a guy namedBrendanon this show.
Wouldn’t it be hilarious if the door opened and the first guy out was Dale?
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Alas, it’s justSpencer, a 30-year-old water treatment engineer from La Jolla.
“He ishawt,” purrs Tayshia.
“Like, hawt, hawt, hawt.”
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(Damn you, 2020.
Damn you to hell.)
“It’s honestly bullst,” gripes Brendan.
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I’m pissed.”
Then the producers' work here is done!
Once Harrison drops the First Impression Rose on the table, it is go time, as per usual.
Tayshia, meanwhile, finds Zac and his New Jersey accent “intriguing.”
Tink tink tink!Chris Harrison is here with his Butter Knife of Bad News.
It must be rose ceremony time, right?
Cheers to “love”!
Bring those bozos out here and let’s get this over with.
Clare sits down with Harrison first.
Now it’s time to get down to business.
“Bachelor Nation has questions,” says the host gravely.
“Did you guys communicate talk, meet, text, anything before that first night?
Did you lie to all of Bachelor Nation?”
Once again, Clare swears on her beloved father’s grave that she and Dale didnotcommunicate before the show.
Now that she’s found her man, Clare is excited for the next step.
Look at her bounce!
Girl is ready to procreate.
“Are we having babies first, or are we getting married first.”
Clare and Dale answer at the same time: “Whatever!”
“We’re gonna get married first!”
(I’ll let you guess who said what.)
But hey, if Kate Walsh can get knocked uponEmily in Paris, anything is possible!
On to Tayshia’s first group date!
But don’t worry here onThe Bachelorette, the objectification goes both ways.
(Perhaps they didn’t want to push their luck after the strip dodgeball date?)
At one point, Riley’s elbow connected with Spencer’s mouth, and…
It’s all fun and games until somebody busts open a lip.
“You were kind of intense in there,” says Tayshia.
“You’ve gotta be careful.”
Eazy comes on strong during his one-on-one chat with Tayshia.
“I feel like you walked into the room, and you had me completely,” he says.
“I see it.
Like, I feel like, I just met my wife.”
Um, I don’t believe you did, sir.
Tayshiadoesseem to be pretty into Zac, however.
“There’s not really men around where I live,” she tells him.
“There’s just, like, boys chasing things.
Oh, Zac knows.
He goes in for the kiss, and she LOVES it.
“He just feels like a man to me,” Tayshia tells us.
Uh oh, something uncomfortable seems to be brewing over at the bachelor holding pen.
Spencer shoots back, “I think we’re even, dude.
If you need any more, let me know.”
Boy band manager Kenny steps in to play the ref.
Unfortunately for all involved, this does not diffuse the situation.
“If you want to f— with me, we can go,” he says ominously.
“Okay,” he mumbles.
Hold up there, lead-foot.
Tayshia decides who gets the group date rose.
And she’s going to keep us guessing!
“You really opened up to me,” says Tayshia.
“You were honest and vulnerable, and that’s all I’ve been asking for.”
(Side note: You may have read someupsetting rumors about Eazyin the last few weeks.
End of side note.)
It seems we must take care of a little housekeeping.
Jason is still feeling sad about Clare.
In fact, “I fell in love with Clare,” he tells the guys.
(When he said this, I yelled, “Oh my God WHAT?”
so loudly, my dog woke from a dead sleep and leapt about a foot.)
Poor Jason really does seem to be struggling he’s in tears as he hugs the guys goodbye!
Go home, take a nap, find a therapist.
You’re gonna be fine.
It’s time for her first one-on-one date as Bachelorette.
Brendan, you’re up!
(Hey, they can’t leave the bubble!
Production is doing their best, dammit!)
Chris Harrison, who is definitely making overtime this season, appears to serve them some margaritas.
“But the kiss is going to be at the perfect time, whenever it does happen.”
And you know what, rose lovers?
“I’m ready to go home right now with this man,” announces Tayshia.
“I’m telling you right now, Brendan is everything!”
“I don’t know how Tayshia’s gonna take it…
I’m definitely nervous.”
The roofer/model/actor does have a relaxed mien and an excellent way with self-deprecating humor.
And he’s got the baggage to prove it!
“In my early 20s, I did get married,” Brendan reveals.
(Also, she didn’t want kids.)
Of course, Tayshia can completely relate to Brendan’s experience.
“We just kind of bonded on a different level.”
Awww, these two are adorable.
Girl, just give him the date rose so you guys can kiss under the fireworks.
“I feel really connected to him,” Tayshia says.
“I don’t know, I feel like I could marry him.”
Uh-oh… that sounded dangerously close to “I feel like I just met my husband.”
Come on, Tayshia wait a few weeks before you declare a winner, okay?
(No one calls Tayshia a “smokeshow” and gets away with it!)
Bad behavior from a bunch of over-muscled meatheads this is whatThe Bacheloretteis all about.
Are you sad to see Jason go?
And would you date a man with a porn-stache?
Post your thoughts below!
The Bachelorette airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on ABC
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