It’s never too early for a man to disappoint you, rose lovers.
Here’s hoping someone on the crew gets to enjoy those croissants once shooting is over.
This season, we’ll get two group date themes, both of which will appear in this episode.
Tayshia and Michelle ignore the croissants.ABC
First up:
School is in session, boys!
Michelle has invited three of her “friends” (a.k.a.
At least I’m not alone: Peter and Will werewayyyyoff with their answers.
The men prepare to get schooled.ABC
The children delight in yelling, “WRONG!”
at the men any time they flunk a question, which is often.
Mia, for one, is particularly stern.
The men fight for chairs.ABC
Finally, Mia has had enough.
“LEAVE HER ALONE!”
In related news, Mia is my new queen.
Will roasts Peter via whiteboard.ABC
Still, he loses to PJ the firefighter.
Spelling proves to be the final humiliation for the guys.
“He was heated!”
Brandon J. and Michelle.ABC
“His face was red as tomato sauce.
You know it was I seen it!”
He is not wrong; Peter is very angry about Will’s mean joke.
Can’t hear the argument over the loud pattern on those shirts.ABC
“I felt like I was shining in that group,” he fumes.
“He’s known me for two, three days he has no idea who I am!”
That’s true, Peter.
A triptych of annoyed faces.ABC
More on that in a moment.
He keepsalmostleaning in to kiss her but can’t quite pull the trigger.
“Oh my God, stop!
Rick and Michelle.ABC
That was terrible!”
Thank goodness she called him out on that garbage.
But the Bachelorette clearly likes Brandon J., and they do finally end up sharing a smooch.
Brandon J. and Michelle.ABC
“Not a good speller whatsoever,” says Michelle.
“But there were definitely sparks flying with Brandon.”
For one thing, they both love shirts with loud, ugly patterns.
Jamie and Michelle.ABC
“Pizza this, pizza that!
I’m tired of hearing about pizza!”
“I don’t have to talk to you about Michelle!
Jamie and Michelle.ABC
Your name’s not Michelle!
“and so on.
Who will get the coveted first one-on-one date of the season?
A “private” concert by Caroline Jones.ABC
Leroy reads the card aloud: “Jamie, I’m looking for someone to be my rock.”
He seems like a nice guy.
Surely, he’s going to be excited by this good fortune.
Joe gets bad news.ABC
Personally, I have a wild life.
The men do NOT love it.
You guys, sorry to jump back to the date, but I think Michelle really likes Table Guy?
Michelle and friends.ABC
And I think I’m rooting for him, too?
Weird, but I’m also okay with it.
The Bachelorette is not really interested in the whole “he called me a narcissist” situation.
Pardeep and Nayte.ABC
Instead, she wants to talk to Peter about how he handles his anger.
She will, however, accept a man who can’t spell the word “protein.”
That’s right, folks: Brandon J. gets the date rose!
Michelle and Joe.ABC
The next day, Michelle dons a hot pink athleisure wear ensemble and picks Jamie up for their date.
“I feel like a lot of times in a relationship…
I’m the person that coaches,” she says.
The red team arrives home.ABC
“But today, Jamie was coaching me, and it was very refreshing.”
Cheers to supporting without mansplaining!
“I’m really glad I brought you,” she says.
Nayte and Michelle.ABC
“You are not a complainer, which I really like.”
(Pssssst: This is what’s known asforeshadowing.)
“The beginning portions of my life were amazing,” he says.
Rodney and Michelle.ABC
“I’m beyond impressed,” she says tearfully.
Do I need to tell you that Jamie gets the date rose?
“We’re about to go on this basketball date,” says Joe through his tears.
Rodney and Michelle.ABC
Awwww, Joe, that’s sweet.
Do it for Coach Novak!
As a former Minnesota Gophers basketball player, and the winner of Minnesota’sMr.
Michelle’s feelings are hurt.ABC
Basketball award in 2011, Joe dominates the other men on the court.
This time around, KESQ sports anchorBlake Arthursteps in to take over the commentary.
“Red team looks like they’ve never been on a basketball court,” he notes drily.
Michelle addresses the men.ABC
At halftime, Michelle tries to give the red team a little encouragement.
“C’mon, Mr. Basketball,” she says, squeezing Joe’s shoulders.
“Lock it in.”
Jamie hides in plain sight.ABC
“I do feel like we have this level of understanding.
Wouldn’t you know it?
Joe feels it, too.
Kaitlyn and Tayshia are the fun police.ABC
They shoot a few baskets and then smooch some more.
Meanwhile, back at the hotel suite, the Scarlet Sadsacks have just arrived home.
And thus, the seeds of discontent have been planted.
Let the drama bloom!
“I want to know if you could actually pick out a Granny Smith apple,” says Michelle.
“Because you don’t know your apples, and this is something that’s important to me.”
The man can’t even identify pizza!
(“What is that, girl?
Is that lasagna?")
Either way, Michelle thinks the whole thing is pretty adorable.
“To me, it seems like they know each other from before,” says Martin.
Great, so Jamie is stirring up drama based on a second-hand account from a friend of a friend?
Cool, cool, cool.
Martin finds the whole thing a little suspicious as well.
“Did you kind of like forget about that piece of information?”
he asks Jamie, who claims he didn’t even think about it untilotherpeople started talking about Joe.
Sure, Jan dot gif.
“I have to say something to Michelle,” he tells us.
“I couldn’t call somebody my partner if they had these things going on.”
But, like, everybody else keeps feeling it.”
It’s a perfectly executed villain move.
“I don’t know who to trust.”
Tayshia encourages Michelle to tell the guys what’s up, and that’s just what Michelle does.
No, she did not know Joe or anyone before coming on the show.
Yes, she messaged with Joe twice and then he ghosted her.
Preach it and teach it, Ms. Young!
“Man, did I miss every conversation happening in the house?”
“I haven’t once talked about them two knowing each other.”
Soon they’re all wondering who could have possibly given the Bachelorette that idea.
“Does anyone want to own that?”
Casey asks the group.
“Does anyone want to step up and say they talked about Joe to Michelle?
“Pssst, Casey he’s right in front of you.
“I’m not gonna jump in and be like, ‘Yeah, it was me.'”
Sure enough…
“Michelle is very emotional,” says Tayshia.
“She feels like her character was in question.”
So sorry, Alec (who?
And congratulations to you, Jamie, for getting away with your pot-stirring BS at least for tonight.
By the looks of next week’s preview, your secret won’t be safe for long.
Do you think Joe has an unfair advantage after a few DMs?
And was anyone else’s world rocked by the news that LT isClint Eastwood’s “secret” grandson?
Post your thoughts below!!
!
