Gabby and Rachel bring their man-harem to France, where Hayden’s big mouth gets him in beaucoup trouble.
Love, exciting a new.
Come aboard we’re rejecting you!
Meatball is back in the mix.ABC
“I used the word ‘rough around the edges,'” says the Southern not-really-a-gentleman.
“And what I meant by that was…” Nate cuts him off.
“Ohhhhhhhh…,” he groans.
Hayden has quite a mouth on him.ABC
“That’s kinda rough though, bro.”
And now the dude is trying to claim that Gabby calledherself"rough around the edges" twice !
and that he was just repeating her own words back to her.
They’re on a boat.ABC
I call BS on that.
But Hayden is insistent.
AND THEN HE SAYS:
Awww HELL NO.
Tres cute.ABC
To Meatball’s credit, he is completely appalled by Hayden’s behavior.
“It’s disturbing,” he says.
“It’s not how you should treat women at all.”
Le smooch, le kiss.ABC
Oh, but producers aren’t done with Hayden yet.
They cut to Hayden inside on the couch, boring the group with his thoughts on our Bachelorettes.
I repeat: Awww HELL NO.
Tino gets the date rose.ABC
Everybody’s headed to France!
“Or they might feel like they are in the loser group.”
This, rose lovers, is calledforeshadowing.
Gabby and Jason in Paris.ABC
Cue the drone shots!
How do you feel about cruises, rose lovers?
People seem to either love them or loathe them.
I love these two.ABC
Okay, back to Gabby and Rachel!
They cuddle up under the umbrellas and explore the cobblestone streets.
Let’s see how it’s going!
The Bachelorettes compare notes.ABC
Awww, Jason and Gabby are having fun at thechapellerie.
And our brunette Bachelorette definitely has a sense of humor about attempting to fit a beret over her updo.
“Obviously I didn’t wear the right hairstyle to look good in a beret,” she notes.
Gabby and Spencer.ABC
Elsewhere in Paris, Rachel and Tino enjoy some crepes, some smooches, and some wine.
How do you say “get a room” in French?
(Side note: How funny was that Jesse Palmer voiceover about applying forThe Bachelor?
Poor thing spends most of this episode crying.ABC
“Your boyfriend lives in a van by the river?
We can do better!”
The women excuse themselves to go to “the bathroom” (a.k.a.
Good question, Rachel.ABC
inside the restaurant, about 7 feet away) and debrief on the day’s activities.
“I’m in love,” jokes Gabby when Rachel asks how her date went.
That said, Gabby wants to go beyond the “surface level” with Jason.
Logan looks like he’s seen a ghost.ABC
Rachel reports that things went with so well with Tino she’s actually a little scared.
That night at dinner, Rachel and Tino dine in a church (!
(I’m paraphrasing.)
Uhh…ABC
Tino says all the right things in response.
“Your passion for your career it lights me up inside,” he insists.
“I need somebody who has that kind of devotion.”
LOL.ABC
“I wouldn’t keep accepting roses from you if…
I didn’t see that potential,” he adds.
And now for a private concert byJordy, who’s all grown up!
Ethan, do you understand what the word ‘flirting’ means?.ABC
(Kidding, kidding.)
On to Gabby’s dinner with Jason.
“And this is like completely out of my comfort zone.”
Rachel and Tyler.ABC
Of course, it is it’s the least natural situation a person can be in.
Jason goes on to admit that he’s been pretty “overwhelmed” by the whole being-on-TV thing.
“I took everything personally, and kept inside maybe because of that,” Jason continues.
A very good boy.ABC
But thanks to therapy, Jason is now learning to value himself and speak up for what he wants.
And amen to calling Hayden a “punk-ass bitch,” too!
Today’s activity issavate, which a French version of kickboxing.
Meatball with the truth bomb.ABC
Or maybe we could just skip all this and she can go hang out with Nate?
Put your gloves on, boys it’s fightin’ time!
And all of Rachel’s men are there to watch.
Buh-bye.ABC
Unfortunately, all they’re watching is each other none have bothered to say hello to Rachel herself.
“My boys are being so aggro,” she complains.
“Not one of them looked at me.”
Rough night for Rachel.ABC
It’s freaking adorable, and Rachel thinks so, too.
Why aren’t they coming over to say hi?
On the one hand, she’s probably being oversensitive.
On the other hand, have these men never seen this show before?
There’s only one rule, and it’s “get the Bachelorette’s attention whenever possible.”
They’re failing miserably in that department.
“This is the first time that I’ve seen Gabby in a while,” he says.
“It definitely brought up some old feelings.”
Did it, though?
Anyhow, Spencer wins the savate tournament.
Mission accomplished, guys!
More on that in a second.
For example, did we know that Spencer served in the military?
I don’t think we did!
Gabby, whose dad is a veteran, finds this attractive about Spencer.
Rachel, meanwhile, is not having a good night.
“I’m just so over feeling like this,” she sobs.
He made me feel more wanted than these guys make me feel."
Rachel, it’s time to march your butt over to the guys and give them the what-for.
“As you guys can see, I’m pretty upset,” she tells them.
The guys are look ashamed except for Logan, who just looks terrified.
She’s just expressing her emotions, not holding you at gunpoint.
In the morning, it’s time for Rachel’s group date.
The men know they have a lot to make up for.
And they’re going to have to do it in front of these folks.
Today, they’ll be leading the men through a series of tasks that are all about seducing Rachel.
First up, flirting!
“What ees that?”
Good question, ma’am.
Producers have a lot of fun with Zach’s misstep, though.
Some of the other men try dancing with Rachel.
Things only get more awkward from there.
Uh… no thank you?
Same goes for the “armpit smelling” exercise which Flora says has something to do with pheromones.
Finally, we get to something a little less disgusting: Love letters.
Tyler even gets a little emotional reading his poem which he says he wrote the night before.
Rachel clearly appreciates the effort.
No surprise, Tyler “wins” the one-on-one dinner with Rachel that night.
Over champagne, he tells the Bachelorette about his last breakup, which was quite a blindside for him.
Though it was a terrible experience, Tyler says feeling true love is worth the risk of being hurt.
“I want to be somebody’s rock,” he continues.
Yep, Tyler’s saying all the right things so he gets the date rose.
And so Logan tracks down Jesse Palmer and informs him that he’d like to make…the switch.
The host looks grave.
“Do you think it’s real?
Do you see a future with Gabby?”
Logan isn’t sure, but he’s intent on telling her how he feels at the cocktail party.
Cool, cool, cool.
I’m sure this will go well.
The Bachelorettes start the evening off with a toast, and then Gabby heads off to smooch Nate.
“At this point, he probably only has a couple months [left to live].”
I will, however, fault him for how he talks about Gabby and Rachel.
He also gets a bit too snippy about Rachel when she allows Tino to interrupt their conversation.
“It’s very tough to see Rachel’s response to that,” he says.
“What I would have expected from Rachel was, ‘Tino, give me a minute.
Let me finish this conversation.’
Not [for her to] get up quicker than she sat down.”
“It was something about breasts.
As you might imagine, Rachel does NOT love it.
“I really do trust James,” she says of Meatball.
“I don’t think he would be a liar.”
With that, she marches off to find Hayden and get to the bottom of bitch-gate.
“Do you know why I’m talking to you right now?”
she asks him, once they’ve retreated to a private room.
“I’m assuming it’s about Rambo,” he replies.
As Gabby might say, that’s the wrong f—ing answer.
(I’m paraphrasing.)
“I don’t speak like that,” he says.
“That’s not my character.”
(Narrator: He does, and it is.)
After the world’s most awkward hug, Hayden is left to walk the plank.
Dang it, why did the ship have to be docked?
Watching Rachel toss him overboard would have been so much more satisfying.
Poor Rachel, she’s really having a tough week.
I think you know where this is going, rose lovers.
Palmer announces that the cocktail party is over and it’s time to head straight to the rose ceremony.
“Should I keep accepting roses, pretending like everything’s cool when it’s not?”
Dude, we all know that’s exactly what you’re going to do.
Rose ceremony roll call!
Team Gabby:Spencer, Jason, Nate, Erich, Johnny, Michael, and Mario.
That means we must say goodbye to Jordan, Quincey, and Kirk.
The episode ends with several shots of Logan fretting over his decision.
“I feel selfish,” he says.
“But I would be a fool not to accept a rose.
If it means I get to talk to Gabby, there’s still hope.
There’s still time.”
I love all the build-up and the drama.
Does Logan actually think that Gabby would agree to date him after he kicks Rachel to the curb?
To quote our brunette Bachelorette, “Boys are dumb.”
With that, rose lovers, we’re off to Bruges, Belgium.
Am I somehow #TeamMeatball now?
And how much money would someone have to pay you to drink “foot wine”?
Post your thoughts below!
