admission that he is (or was?)
kind of interested in being the Bachelor.
(Side note: David seems nice.
Mike P. enjoys a Twinkie on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Could we hey get him some more screen time?
Have we even seen him talk to Katie beyond the limo exit at this point?)
“I see what’s going on in the group,” says Thomas.
Greg eats his feelings on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
It’s almost 10 minutes into the episode when we finally get tolast week’s group date.
It’s time for “Katie’s Truth or Dare.”
Tayshia explains that the dares are meant to push the men “mentally, physically, and emotionally.”
Greg suffers on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
“I just don’t want to throw up.”
Apparently, nothing is more terrifying to these men than… carbs!
Mike P. the very ripped virgin goes first, plowing his way through a plate of about 42 Twinkies.
Katie sparkles on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Succumb to that sponge cake and creamy filling, Mike P.!
The Bachelorette LOVES it, as do her friends.
“Someone call the police that was HOT!”
Andrew S. on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
“I repeat, that was not good.”
Hmmm… wonder what’s going on here?
It’s just a grown man waxing another grown man’s ass.
Tayshia Adams on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Happens all the time.
“I surrender!”
gasps Tre through pained laughter.
Thomas on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
“I’ve never had my cheeks out in front of another man in my life…
I’m in a very vulnerable state right now.”
As is Greg, who is currently taking some abuse at the “carb station.”
Blake M. gets locked out on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
“Someone who can step out of their comfort zone but enjoy it.”
Well, Greg sure looks like he’s having fun.
“It’s burning, bad,” he moans.
Still, he and the other men manage to get through their “proposals” without puking.
On to the “truth” portion of the date!
Dang, Katie’s coat dress is gorgeous.
Andrew S. gets things started off right by treating Katie to some Taco Bell.
(She’s a woman after my own heart!)
“I value every moment with you,” he tells Katie.
“They’re so brief, but they’re so impactful.”
The Bachelorette agrees that everything between them “just flows,” and they smooch.
Other Andrew goes next.
We haven’t seen much of this guy… and we still don’t!
“I feel like my mind’s going nuts sometimes,” he mumbles.
“You’re all I think about.”
The Bachelorette strokes his hand gently and assures him that she feels their “connection,” too.
“I’m starting to fall for you.”
Katie is touched, but there’s no smooch… and I’m not really feeling a spark here.
“Tonight is about truth,” he says.
“There are things about Thomas that should be brought to her attention.”
On this show, snitches often get stitches sent home!
But Tre is undeterred.
“I can’t let it go on,” he says.
“I can’t let her end up hurt four, five weeks down the line.”
The other guys are happy to let Tre deliver the bad news about Thomas to Katie.
After all, they won’t be the ones to take the messenger bullet!
I’m anxious about this.
Katie does NOT love it.
“It’s disappointing because I really liked him,” she sighs, bursting into tears.
Will this ruin the whole night?
Andrew S. sure thinks so.
Back in the holding pen, he chastises Tre for his decision.
“It’s just so, like, dramatic to me,” he says with a laugh.
“You guys don’t want drama, but you spark it!”
Maybe, but Katie wants to hear more.
As for the date rose, it goes to… Tre!
Hoo boy, Andrew S. can-NOT believe it.
It kills me," he groans.
“This could be a big ripple effect, and that’s what I’m afraid of.”
We interrupt this recap to bring you a breaking news bulletin:
Yep.
Katie is a bit apprehensive.
(If you’re like me, rose lovers, you immediately started screaming “HE’S NOT!”
at your screen.)
Let’s meet him.
“Oh my gosh, Blake!”
She welcomes Blake Moynes with a smile and a hug and then lets him go into his sales pitch.
“I don’t know what you’re thinking right now, and it’s driving me nuts.”
“He’s a very handsome guy,” she says with a grin.
“I don’t know.
I don’t know.”
Yes, you do, Katie.
“If you stay, I will be now your third Bachelorette… Blake is ready for this line of questioning.
“I completely get that.
I wish I could have met you in other circumstances,” he replies.
“This is the last place I want to do this.”
(Sure, Jan dot GIF.)
“Wow” is right, Katie.
just, just, just, just don’t let this guy’s cutesy charm fool you.
(Yes, I know it’s a lost cause.)
The good news is, Katie isn’t about to let Blake crash the next ceremony.
For now, she needs to figure out the Thomas Problem.
“I was picturing hometowns with this guy,” she admits.
“A lot of the guys have already expressed that they don’t like him…
I truly, from the bottom of my heart, thought he was going to go far.”
So did he, no doubt.
Let’s get the carnage over with, shall we?
The men gather for the cocktail party, but Thomas is nowhere to be found.
And that’s because producers have arranged for him to chat with Katie in her room before the party.
Thomas begins by playing the victim.
Still, he wants the Bachelorette to know that he’s not going to walk away.
“You say things exactly as I want to hear them,” she says sadly.
“You are this Prince Charming.”
The men, of course, are not happy when Thomas strolls into the room.
He fills them in on the “difficult conversation” he just had with Katie.
Christian’s response is both hilarious and shocking: “It’s midnight, brother.”
How many hours have these poor men have been waiting around???
Oh no, here comes Andrew S. with theI told you so’s.
“I knew this would happen!”
“I knew we’d be losing time…
There’s a ripple effect, and that affects everyone in the house.”
Aaron, Christian, and Justin immediately snap back at him.
“How would you feel knowing you had that information and withheld it?”
“you’re free to’t leave it to guesswork!”
It’s late, everyone’s tired and bored and frustrated.
Soon, the “discussion” devolves into a shouting match.
“Be respectful!”
yells Aaron, who just asked Andrew S. not to yell at him.
They’re still talking over each other when Katie finally arrives.
“I do apologize for being late tonight,” she says.
Miraculously, she doesn’t cancel the cocktail party, and Brendan gets the first one-on-one chat.
“You’re a strong woman, and I love that,” he says.
“I’m here for you.”
“It’s exhausting.”
At least Michael A. steers his conversation with Katie toward happier things, like the future of their relationship.
“you’re able to’t manufacture a connection,” he says.
“The person you are is exactly the person I’ve been seeking.
I like it.”
Awww, you guys!
They are so cute together.
Maybe Greg isn’t her favorite?
At the very least, Michael A. seems to be her second-favorite.
“He makes this feel so enjoyable,” says Katie.
Rose ceremony roll call!
Dude, just just stop talking.
Let’s try this again.
Rose ceremony roll call!
Oh, God, no!
No, no, no!
“But what I learned about you tonight is that you’re selfish, unkind, and a liar.
YourBacheloraudition ends tonight… so get out.”
READ THAT DUDE FOR FILTH!
(This is perhaps the greatest rose ceremony maneuver since Hannah B.moved the podium.)
Also, now she can give that final rose to David.
Wait… why areKaitlynand Tayshia coming in to tell the men without roses to “say their goodbyes”?
Was that “final” rose Katie was holding when she called Thomas' name a…fake rose?
Dayum, that’s cold.
“Get a robe on,” orders the Bachelorette.
He disappears and returns, after a long pause, wearing a sweatshirt and sporting some excellent bedhead.
“I had to put a mint in my mouth,” he explains.
“I don’t have a robe.”
Katie giggles and then invites Blake to join her “journey.”
Of course, he says yes.
They hug, and Katie heads back to her suite.
As for Blake…
Yep, the poor schmuck left his key in the room.
“Perfect,” he sighs.
“What do I do now?”
Well, you’re officially a cast member, buddy just send a producer to fetch a new key.
It’s pretty clear how I feel about Blake’s arrival but what about you, rose lovers?
Is he there to find love or another 15 minutes?
Post your (spoiler-free) thoughts below!
