Well, it was a messy end to an often-chaotic season ofThe Bachelorette, rose lovers.
Perhaps the most shocking development in tonight’s three-hour finale extravaganza is that both women received gold engagement rings.
As in, yellow gold.
Rachel and Gabby on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Overall, it was a lot to process.
“It feels like there’s been more scandal and betrayal than true love,” he intones.
“But there’s always hope.
Rachel and Tino on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Maybe tonight Tino can convince Rachel that his indiscretions were just a momentary lapse in judgment.
Those are two extremely uncool strikes.
Looking good, ladies.
Rachel and Gabby on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
“I need him to propose to me,” says the frustrated Bachelorette.
“I just want to leave here with you, whatever that takes,” says Erich.
“I want this to work, I really do.
Product shot!.ABC
I really want us to work.
We’ll figure us out.
Let’s try.”
Rachel and Tino on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Maybe she’s just exhausted?
“I’m excited, but I’m nervous,” she says.
“I’m hoping that me and Tino are on the same page still.”
Mary Anne and Big Tony.ABC
Spoiler alert: They are!
And when the Bachelorette makes the big reveal (“It’s you!
I just want you to know this is never going anywhere.”
Rachel is not having it.ABC
Never say never, sir.
Especially on this show.
These interstitial moments in the live studio are incredibly useless other than for filling the finale’s ridiculous runtime.
Tino has receipts.ABC
“Does this feel like a lifetime ago?”
Palmer asks Gabby and Rachel.
Not yet, buddy but ask us at the end of the episode.
Tino is stumped.ABC
It’s a glorious, sunny day in Mexico when our Bachelorettes meet for a catch-up session.
“I hoped it was Tino,” she admits.
“Like, it didn’t take him one second to decide on you.”
It’s all going off the rails for Tino.ABC
Rachel is over the moon, saying that Tino makes her feel “100 percent chosen.”
As for Gabby, she’s feeling good about Erich.
“He’s fought for me time and time and time again,” she says.
Rachel is shocked.ABC
Rachel beams at her fellow Bachelorette.
“I love you.”
Awww, these two are the sweetest.
Uhhh… okay.ABC
Holy crap, is it the last day already?
“Someone who’s just so selfless and gentle and supportive.”
That’s your cue, Tino!
Rachel and Tino face each other on ‘The Bachelorette.'.ABC
(Knock it off, producers!)
With that, Tino drops to one knee and…
Gah!
Sorry, I really hate yellow gold.
Welcome back, Aven.ABC
Always have, always will.
Anyhow, Tino pops the question, and naturally Rachel says yes.
A million times, in fact.
Down with yellow gold!.ABC
Rachel and Tino seal the moment with a kiss, and then climb atop their ride into the sunset.
Congrats, you crazy kids.
Enjoy it while it lasts!
Erich and Gabby on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
“I truly felt that I had found my person,” she muses.
“It was really great for a while.”
“Around the time of the premiere we just started going through a difficult time,” she continues.
Post-proposal motorcycle ride.ABC
Long story short: “He cheated on me.”
But first, she needs to confab with her bestie.
“it’s possible for you to’t be forgiven when you’re not sorry for what you did.”
Erich and Gabby.ABC
Gabby is sympathetic, and she’s also pissed at Tino for doing her BFF so wrong.
“He’s only cares about himself,” she huffs.
“You guys had never actually been on a break, right?”
Oh boy.ABC
They sit in silence for a second.
Tino suggests that Rachel go first, but the Bachelorette shuts that down fast.
“I can go first,” whispers Tino miserably.
Zach takes the stage.ABC
“I messed up.
I kissed another girl, but the second I did, I knew I belonged with you.
But I just tried to get past it.”
LOL.ABC
Rose lovers, the series of faces Rachel made while listening to this was simply sublime.
A sampling:
Read the room, Tino!
This is not going well for you.
Say cheese!.ABC
Rachel demands to know “everything,” so her fiance trots out all the unfortunate details.
He met a woman before going onThe Bachelorette, but they didn’t date or have any significant interactions.
He literally brought it with him to present as evidence.
Is she country royalty?.ABC
“You said, ‘I don’t know how this is going to work.
I can’t wear it to AFR.”
The last statement sends Rachel over the edge.
Blech.ABC
“Tino, look at me in the eyes and do not lie,” she fumes.
“You are literally lying right now…
I was exhausted, and as a good partner you shouldn’t throw that in my face.”
From here, the fight starts devolving into who said what when.
“Never once did we say, ‘We are broken up.
We are not engaged,'” Rachel argues.
Tino is, in a word, perplexed.
Saying, ‘I’m giving the ring back…'” Rachel cuts him off.
“I never said, ‘I’m giving the ring back.’
(Hey, that rhymes!
Yes, I’m tired!)
“Not once have you said, ‘I’m sorry about all this.'”
She’s not wrong, rose lovers.
But Tino looks shocked.
“Rachel, I’m so sorry about this!
I thought I’ve told you this every single day!”
More importantly, Rachel doesn’t believe that this was a one-time thing.
“If you don’t believe that, then why are we here?”
says Tino, before stepping outside for some air.
“This is f—ing going nowhere,” he grumbles.
“She just wants to f—ing beat me up.
She’s throwing me under the bus saying all this is lies… She’s totally crucifying me.
She just called it all bullshit!”
His voice begins to tighten with emotion.
“Just get me out of this!”
“Just tell her to break up with me.
Let me out!”
Tino, you are a grown ass man, and Rachel is a full adult woman.
Eventually Tino comes back inside, just as we knew he would.
Rachel starts in on Tino again, telling him he needs to take accountability for his actions.
Cut to:
Same, girl.
Tino acts completely confused, essentially denying that he said anything of the sort.
Instead, Tino walks out of the house again.
“What are you doing?”
Nothing to see here, folks!
But Rachel still has a lot of questions.
“Don’t you think I’m owed an answer for why you did what you did?”
Tino tries again, urging her to not to give up on their relationship.
“We can make it through this,” he says.
“I know we can.
I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”
Sorry, sir, but she’s not going to give you that chance.
Rachel stands up and holds out the engagement ring.
“I’m done,” she announces.
“I wanted to do thisone time.I’m done.
I’m done.”
Tino looks completely defeated, and he doesn’t take the ring.
He leaves it on the table, apologizes to Rachel for letting her down, and walks out.
“I tried,” she says to no one in particular.
Back in the Thunderdome, Rachel states the obvious: “It’s hard to watch this back.”
“I really do hope I still see some apology tonight.”
Grim-faced and sadsack, Tino lauches into his apology.
“Rachel, I am so sorry,” he says.
“My actions are on me and I own them completely.
From the bottom of my heart I’m sorry for what I did.
“You completely put it on me,” she complains.
Tino attempts to clarify that he was hoping to give her context to how The Kiss happened.
“I wish everyone really got to see the love story that we lived,” he says.
“Because you were so sweet to me and you always made me so happy… You were amazing.
You didn’t deserve that.”
“Do you want to get into that?”
Clearly, there’s something more going on behind the scenes here.
Doyouwant to talk about it?”
Short answer: No, no he does not.
“If our engagement was over, wouldn’t our friends and family know it was over?”
“Wouldn’t we have to re-get engaged?”
Okay, this is just pointless.
And that’s fine!
Healing is a process.
But watching them talkateach other is exhausting.
“Rachel, I understand that you’re really hurt,” says Tino with a sigh.
“For weeks I felt like I was trying so hard, and it was really…
I’m sorry, but we landed at, ‘We need to give the ring back.’
I thought you were checking out.
But that doesn’t excuse my actions.”
Okay, okay,we get it.
Finally, the segment ends.
Time to move on…
Sorry, what’s that, Jesse Palmer?
Someone is here who “demanded” a chance to talk to Rachel?
And you’re going to bring him on stage while Tino is still sitting there?
Sure, let’s turn this squall into an absolute hurricane of humiliation.
Come on out, mystery guess!
Well hey there, Aven!
What brings you to the Thunderome?
“I was just wondering if you want to get out of here and just catch up?”
“I would love nothing more!”
she chirps, as the crowd squeals and cheers.
All Tino can do is just sit there and mope on the couch in full Eeyore mode.
a woman in the audience yells to him.
It’s getting cold in here.
With that, it’s time to see what happens with Gabby’s “journey.”
Let’s find out!
Oh, this is interesting… Erich’s looking at rings.
And they are… certainly Neil Lane rings.
Well, Neil Lane and his product have to get their contractually required camera time, I suppose.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that Erich is going to propose.
“You’ve loved me before I knew how to love me.”
Sorry, could someone ask the peacocks to quit screeching?
Gabby’s pouring her heart out here!
“And I’m sure for much longer after that.”
(A self-deprecating queen until the end.)
“I want to be that person for you.”
“When I met you, I immediately was 100 percent myself,” he says.
“At that time, I didn’t know it, but I had met my soulmate.”
Wait, am I tearing up?
And wait, did producers actually convince Erich to get down on one knee?!?
Naturally, Gabby accepts.
“Oh, my God it’s so pretty!”
she gushes, admiring her ring.
Erich accepts her final rose, and all the peacocks screech in approval.
“I do have one final question to ask you, though,” says Erich.
“Can I have your number?”
It’s a joke!
Because on this show, people get engaged without possessing even the most basic information about each other!
My sides hurt from laughing!
Anyhoo, congrats you crazy kids.
Maybe those “damning text messages” weren’t such a big deal after all?
“I wanted us to be on the same page.
I just wanted this so badly,” he says.
“I wanted the happy ending.”
After some more fluffy banter (yay, Grandpa John!
), Palmer gets down to business.
“There are some difficult questions to answer.”
“I met this girl about a month before this all started,” Erich explains.
I handled it poorly, 100 percent.
I led her on, and I want to own that…
It was a mistake that I made on my part.”
Palmer’s like,Okay, sure… but what about THIS:
Oh, snap!
It’s one of the “damning text messages” in the flesh!
(Or whatever text messages are made of.
“In the pixels”?
“I was taking the cowardly way out,” admits Erich.
“I was using the show as an excuse.”
He certainly didn’t expect to meet his soulmate on night one.
“I wouldn’t change anything,” he says.
But I love this girl with all my heart."
Still, “it’s not something that you plan for,” she says.
“You leave this bubble engaged… and then real life hits you.”
Nothing about the blackface, then?
That’s… a choice.
(Sadly, not a surprising one.)
Welp, I guess it’s time to introduce ournew Bachelor.
Welcome, Zach Shallcross!
“And that breakup didn’t deter it.”
“I also went to the gym a lot,” he says with a laugh.
Good call, buddy.
You are going to be showering on camera all the time.
Looks like producers are ready to call Zach’s bluff.
Oh, you’re ready to find your person now?
Then let’s do it… Yep, the live “limo exits” are back, rose lovers!
I’m already feeling drunk with power, rose lovers!
Let’s meet ladies, shall we?
Anyone catch what she said?
Bailey, 27:Wow, 27 whole years old?
A mature woman with a real job!
(She’s an executive recruiter.)
Perhaps Zachshouldbe thinking of Bailey on the daily.
Cat, 26:This professional dancer from New York just screams high maintenance.
And she openly admits it to our new Bachelor.
Oh, this is interesting.
IsChristina Mandrell, 26related toBarbara Mandrellby any chance?
She says she’s “born and raised in Nashville,” so maybe.
Why else would they show us her full last name?
Your selfie gimmick worked!
The three-hourBacheloretteodyssey ends with an extended promo forBachelor in Paradise.
Not cool, guys.
Give yourselves a round of applause, rose lovers.
We made it through season 19 ofThe Bachelorette!
Do you think Erich and Gabby will last?
Should Rachel and Aven give their relationship another shot?
Post your thoughts below!
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