Clout chasers, beware!
Zach is not about to let you use him to boost your following on the ‘gram.
“Get ready for your own slice of Paradise, ladies because you’re going to the Bahamas!”
Jesse, save yourself!.ABC
The squeals are deafening.
Somebody get that man a helmet!
“Being in the Bahamas feels like a nice, fresh restart,” notes Zach.
Slurrrrp!.ABC
“I want to take it up a notch.”
Cue the knock at the door: It’s time for the first date card.
Congrats, Kat you get the first one-on-one date!
Zach and Kat.ABC
Everyone issoooohappy for her.
Greer takes it especially hard.
“I’m just sad,” she says, wiping away tears.
I want some, too!.ABC
The other women understand, and even Kat gives her a comforting hug.
On to the date!
Zach and Kat board a catamaran that sets out onto the beautiful turquoise waters.
Say something, you boob!.ABC
Who knew SPF was such an aphrodisiac?
Keep it in your mouths, guys.
Zach can’t believe how lucky he is.
I hope he rinsed with Listerine first.ABC
“It’s like, ‘Are you really dating me?Me?'”
Love that self-awareness, buddy.
“And I’m not one of them.
Oh, s—.ABC
So, it’s like, kind of sometimes I’m like, what am I doing here?”
Um, you’re enjoying a free vacation in the Bahamas, lady!
Meanwhile, Zach is having a great time with Kat.
Zach and Ariel.ABC
“It felt like it wasn’t our first date,” he gushes.
“I’m really happy with how it feels with you.”
That night at dinner, things get serious as Kat makes her obligatory Opening UpTM confessions.
Zach and Brooklyn.ABC
“My mom and I struggled in our relationship,” she explains.
In the past it’s just made me feel really unlovable."
Ah, there’s that word again, “unlovable.”
It’s about to get real.ABC
How many times have we heard someone on this franchise express a similar fear, rose lovers?
Zach is moved by Kat’s admissions.
“I don’t want you to have that fear,” he says.
PSA.ABC
“I want to love my person for who they are, not for what they came from.”
Awww, that’s actually very sweet.
Nice work, Zach.
Womp-womp.ABC
Now give that woman the date rose!
And cue the women back at the hotel watching said fireworks with jealousy and dismay.
Good luck following that on your group date, ladies!
Ay, ay, matey!.ABC
Mmmm… fried foods.
Rice and beans, fried fish, conch fritters, bundt cake this date is making me very hungry.
“I, like, want to cry.
Virtual insanity?.ABC
I literally can’t kiss Zach because he had shellfish.”
Yes, it’s a little rude that producers chose this activity knowing that Gabi can’t eat shellfish.
On the other hand, they’re in the freaking Bahamas you’ve gotta have the shellfish!
“I’m interested to see how it’s going to play out.”
It’s limbo, not swimming with sharks!
The Bachelor, perhaps sensing danger, demurs, instead offering Anastasia his cheek.
“That was completely inappropriate,” huffs Kylee.
Girl, it’s a group date this is what happens!
Maybe next time you shouldwatchthe show before signing up.
Eventually, Kylee works up the courage to interrupt Zach and Anastasia.
“Zach, may I steal you for a second?”
But Anastasia isn’t ready to relinquish the Bachelor.
“Can we have a couple more minutes?”
she asks with a smile.
Feeling awkward and embarrassed, Kylee pushes back.
“Stasi, babe, like, just let me.
Just let it happen,” she says.
Dude, say something!
Instead, you’re doing nothing.
Is it because you like having girls “fight” over you?
“I’ll see you tonight,” he mumbles.
Of course, Anastasia is happy to head straight into a confessional to vent about what just went down.
“That was honestly just, like, unfair,” she complains.
Again, I must ask: Have you ever seen this show?
“The fight comment was a little bit much,” she says.
“I never said I was going to fight her!
She’s trying to start s—.”
Most of the women are Team Kylee.
Naturally, this little drama squall blossoms into a full-fledged typhoon at the after party.
The evening starts off calmly enough.
Then they smooch… so here’s hoping someone has an epi pen around?
Back in the holding pen, Anastasia tries to call Kylee out in front of the other women.
“I was just taken aback by that comment.
You said, like, ‘I don’t want to fight you for this.'”
Kylee is having none of it.
“You know what I meant.”
As you’re able to see, Zach does NOT love it.
“That freaks me the f— out,” he admits.
“I am terrified that I would end up with someone who is here for the Wrong ReasonsTM.”
Girl, knock it off.
You got exactly what you wanted out of this.
Naturally, Zach goes straight to Charity to get the lowdown, and she confirms Kylee’s story.
“I was one of the girls who did overhear it,” she says.
He heads back to the holding pen and makes a grim announcement.
Actually, it’s more like an interrogation.
Anastasia is shocked shocked!
at Zach’s implied accusation.
“Yes, I’m here for you!”
“Yeah, I’m here to connect with you and get to know you.”
Zach is not convinced.
That’s literally the extent of our conversations."
Anyhow, Zach tells Anastasia he needs some time to think about the whole situation.
He walks off, and she heads back to the holding pen.
(Was he, though?
Not based on what we saw, but we may not have seen everything.)
It’s all very stupid and exhausted.
At least Zach is having fun with Ariel.
Guess “blowing conch” truly is a bonding activity.
This is a totally normal thing that people do in real life.
Do not question me.
It’s so romantic, Brooklyn goes in for… a fist bump?
“The knucks after a kiss,” moans Zach jokingly.
Deep breaths, everybody.
She never wanted to marry someone who was anything like her dad.
“It got very out of hand, very emotionally abusive,” she says.
“I got to the point where I didn’t speak.
I mean, I was a shell of the person I was.
She summoned the strength to get out, she says, “and I never looked back.”
Did I pump my fist and yell “HELL YEAH, BROOKLYN!”
when she said this?
Yes, rose lovers, I did.
There’s a good chance that someone out there watching really, really needed to hear that leavingispossible.
Zach listens intently, and he’s bowled over by Brooklyn’s strength.
“You are so f—ing tough,” he says.
“It makes me sick to my stomach that you had to go through something like that.”
Toxic masculinity can f—allllllthe way off.)
Does Brooklyn get the date rose?
You better believe it, folks.
And before we move on…
Heading into the cocktail party and rose ceremony the next night, Davia is feeling anxious.
Oh girl, why’d you have to go and jinx it like that?
Zach starts the cocktail party by pulling Anastasia aside for a one-on-one chat.
In other words: Drama!
“My character is everything to me,” she tells him.
“It was really upsetting that you had any doubt in that …
But Zach simply can’t get past the fact that Anastasia was talking about Instagram followers, period.
To that end…
Yep, Antastasia’s earned herself a one-way ticket back to the States.
As Zach walks her to the Reject SUV, Kylee bursts into tears.
“I never want to be the cause of someone having to go home,” she whines.
The other women assure her that she did “the right thing.”
Now she’s just worried that she’ll fall victim to the “snitches get stitches” rule.
As for Anastasia, she’ll just have to wait untilParadiseto get that influx of followers.
He starts with Charity and then moves on to Kat, who already has a rose.
Uh-oh, Davia’s crying!
“I saw him pull Kat for a chat,” she sobs to Kaity.
It just felt defeating to see that.”
But Davia is still trying to “hold on to hope.”
“Well, the thing that scares me is the word ‘had,'” she says sadly.
Tink!Here comes Palmer with his Butter Knife of Bad News!
The cocktail party is over, ladies.
“I did it to myself, so I can’t be mad at anyone but myself.”
join Kat and Brooklyn in the Circle of Safety.
So sorry, Davia and Genevie it’s time for you to head home.
As for the rest of you, it’s off to London you go!
Hang in there, lady.
If the preview is any indication, things don’t go very smoothly in London.
Also… what’s going on here?
Which of the frontrunners are you rooting for?
(It’s Charity and Kaity for me.)
And have you ever had a gossip session with a baby flamingo?
Post your thoughts below!
The Bachelorairs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC.
