After a week in love lockdown, Zach emerged from his COVID bubble this week onThe Bachelor.
“I feel like I’m in the movieFrozen,” marvels Brooklyn.
“Like, it’s cold, and there’s castles.”
Pretty.ABC
In fact, that was almost Estonia’s official tourism slogan:Come to Estonia.
It’s cold and there’s castles!
To be fair, Palmer doesn’t specifically say that Greer has COVID, but you get the gist.
Zach and Charity.ABC
Once ensconced at theSwissotel in Tallinn, the women hear the fatefulknock knock knockat the door.
The first date of the week goes to… Charity!
Because of course it does!
Zach and Charity.ABC
Uh-oh Kat didn’t get the memo.
When the Bachelor arrives to pick Charity up for their date, she intercepts him.
“Zach, can you come with me before you go on your date?”
Today is not Jess' day.ABC
The other women do NOT love it.
“Wait, what?”
asks Charity, as Zach leaves the room with Kat.
Brooklyn lays into Kat.ABC
Call it needy, but I don’t care."
They smooch a bit, which makes things extra awkward when Zach and Kat return to the hotel room.
(Not that there’s anything wrong with that!)
Bubble, bubble, toil, and reality TV.ABC
They all sit in polite but uncomfortable silence for a minute.
Zach breaks the tension with a weak, “Estonia!”
“Wanna go?”
Jess is a candle in the wind.ABC
Kat’s defense (“I missed him”) doesn’t sit well with Brooklyn.
“I feel like that was kind of not the time for that,” she tells Kat.
“It wasclassless.”
Jess is sad.ABC
Brooklyn’s all,Well, you’re selfish!
Let’s see how Zach and Charity are doing on their date.
Awwww, a horse-drawn carriage ride through Tallinn.
Jess heads home.ABC
“I was pacing my room at 6:30 this morning,” Zach tells her.
“I was like, ‘When’s my date with Charity?'”
They clip-clop through the gorgeous city for a bit before pulling up next to anaisekandminecompetition a.k.a.
Ariel seasons Zach before the sauna.ABC
Do I even need to tell you that Zach and Charity immediately join in?
“I hated it, but I loved it at the same time.”
(Also, LOL at Palmer trying to blend in incognito in the crowd.)
Come on in, the water’s fine!.ABC
“I don’t think respect ever shifts, though,” counters Ariel.
Read her for filth in your calm, unwaveringly polite way!
Dinner takes place in a gorgeous ballroom-looking place in a mansion of some kind.
Ariel and Zach.ABC
Charity knows it’s time to Open UpTM, which she does, right on cue.
(Including with someone she knew!)
“It just became this vicious cycle of manipulation.”
Awww, poor Aly.ABC
Still, Charity said that surviving that ordeal helped make her who she is today.
Get what you deserve and even more!
“I only did what I thought someone else would want,” he explains.
“I just want you to know thatI’mlucky to be sitting across from you at this table.”
Now, give her the rose.
But Greer has COVID, so when the group date card arrives, Jess can barely contain her anxiety.
And the group date goes to: Brooklyn, Kaity, Kat, Gabi, Aly… and Jess.
“True love feels like magic,” reads the date card.
As for Jess, she feels like curling up in a ball and dying.
“Does being the last one say something?”
Jess’ reaction (overreaction?)
Girl, you have plenty of time!
“Oh, my God you don’t want to ruin the group date?”
“You don’t want to have it before it ruinsyourtime, like Charity’s?”
“That’s tacky!”
but I love it and will absolutely be working it into conversations in the future.
So… the group date.
To wit:
Meet Hailey, an Estonian “grand witch” who uses witchcraft for “healing.”
She invites the women to join hands in a circle around her cauldron.
“Today, we will see who is ready to find love,” she explains.
Zach sets about “cleansing” all his potential wives with smoke from a bundle of white sage.
(It’s not strong enough to cleanse the tension between Brooklyn and Kat, however.)
From there, the women take turns looking through a candle flame into Zach’s eyes.
It definitely doesn’t do much to help Jess' confidence.
“I was having an anxiety attack, but I’m good now.”
It’s a Bachelor miracle!
The evening gets off to a pleasant start.
Kaity kicks off the one-on-one chats, and her time with Zach is typically schmoopie.
(“Where have you been all my life?”
Gabi’s next, and Zach professes how much he likes her.
“You are one of my strongest connections,” he says.
“I have these butterflies with you.”
With that, it’s Jess' turn.
No pressure, girlie!
“I know what I signed up for,” she says.
“But I don’t have that much confidence… (Narrator: They won’t.)
“I want you to see my frustration,” continues Jess.
“You keep bringing up that it’s about a one-on-one,” he says.
“I’m feeling so confident about us and then, it’s about a one-on-one?
What am I missing?”
They go around and around like this for a bit.
“I don’t know where your head’s at,” sighs Jess.
“I’m confused.”
Jess knows that means she’s on the outs, and she is grimly resigned to her fate.
“I’m not going to beg for you,” she says through her tears.
“I’mnotdoing that.”
Cut to:
Well, that escalated quickly.
“All I needed was quality time,” says Jess, as the Reject SUV drives away.
Zach, too, is shocked by how abruptly his relationship with Jess went south.
“I was not expecting that,” he says, tearing up.
“What the f—?”
His voice is still quavering with emotion as he explains that he just sent Jess home.
Oh, and one other thing: He’s not handing out a date rose tonight.
Um… have fun on your one-on-one date, Ariel!
The Bachelor meets her in the Estonian countryside for a “relaxing spa day.”
A nice lady named Laura serves them some hot tea and then asks them to change into their robes.
“We go in the sauna nude,” adds Laura.
Ariel and Zach, however, keep their bathing suits on as they prep for the steam bath.
Thanks, naked couple!
Welcome back, Black Box of Shame!
Ahead of the evening portion of their date, Zach can’t stop rhapsodizing about Ariel.
What if she’s The One?
Over drinks anduntouched charcuterie, Zach and Ariel talk about the progression of their relationship.
And Zach LOVES it.
“This journey has carried a lot of surprises,” he says.
“You might be the best surprise yet.”
Oh, wow it’s time for the final cocktail party of the week!
She and Zach have a very pleasant chat that ends with a kiss.
“At this point, I do have a connection with all the women here,” says Zach.
“Tonight is going so well, and I’m very happy.”
Dang it, Zach!
Why’d you have to go and jinx it like that?
The first rule of rose ceremony night is you never say how well rose ceremony night is going!
Now we’re guaranteed to have some drama.
Yep, Charity just pulled Kat aside to talk about the incident before her one-on-one date.
I’m pretty sure Kat never apologized to Charity, but Brooklyn didn’t help matters by butting in.
Oh man, is she going to blame Brooklyn?
Don’t do it, Kat.
Was her explanation enough to keep her around another week?
It’s time to find out.
Rose ceremony roll call!
Gabi, Kaity, Brooklyn, and Kat join Charity and Ariel in the Circle of SafetyTM.
Oh man, that means it’s time to say goodbye to Aly.
Sweet, pleasant Aly, who definitely shouldnotgo to Paradise.
You’re too good for that crab-infested beach, woman!
Don’t worry, Aly.
This sucks, but you’ll get through it.
And your partner is out there somewhere.
We’re down to just seven women.
The dude is maybe taking his Sean Lowe worship a little too far.
Was Kat in the wrong to grab Zach before Charity’s date, or is everyone overreacting?
Post your thoughts below!
