This week, Matt confronts the mean girls in the house about their bad behavior.
This week onThe Bachelor, the trash took itself out.
In other words, Victoria is gone, rose lovers!
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Yet #bullygate continues.
We begin with some of the “ladies” out for their morning constitutional around Nemacolin’s grounds.
When Ryan and Brittany happen to stroll by, the four women pass each other in chilly silence.
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“I just can’t stand her,” sniffs Victoria.
Assume the “her” in this case is unjustly maligned Brittany, a.k.a.
the one Anna said is an escort.
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Brittany is, of course, still hurt and angry about the rumor.
“It’s been a really hard week for me,” she sighs.
“I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.”
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Here he comes now!
Girl, you aresobusted.
“It’s me,” sighs Anna.
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“Like, everyone knew it was me.
I made a mistake, I made a stupid comment about Brittany.
I’m just like, ‘Who the f— went to him?'”
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Fortunately for Katie, none of them suspect that she is the mole.
And you know what?
Even if they found out, who gives a frog’s fat ass?
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Katie did the right thing, dammit!
Anyhow, Brittany tells him the whole story upfront.
Her voice begins to quiver.
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“It sucks because this is on national TV.
Like, my mom watches this show.”
She absolutely did not agree to be slandered.
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(Unless, of course, she signed anything listing the show’seligibility requirements.)
((Check out number 3 under “Additional Requirements."))
Of course, Matt is deeply troubled by everything he hears from Brittany.
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“I am so sorry that you’re having to deal with that,” he says.
“For this to work, we have to create a comfortable environment for everybody.”
To that end, it’s time to weed out the mean girls.
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Anna, you’re up!
Girl, you repeated itat least two times.
In other words, buh-bye.
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“I do not think that you were treated fairly.”
Ryan, one of the “new girls,” is justifiably skeptical.
“Suddenly people are apologizing from left and right,” she says.
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“At the end of the day, you know wrong is wrong.
You could have said this two days ago, last night, immediately.
And now you’re saying it out of convenience for yourself.”
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“The main thing that has just aggravated me is with Victoria,” she says.
Matt is, in a word, bummed.
Awww, now Ryan’s crying.
“I am so sorry that you’re having to deal with that,” says to the Bachelor.
Cue the heavenly chorus, rose lovers:Hallelujah!
And when Victoria finds out that Ryan complained to Matt about her,sheknows her days are numbered.
“Lit-er-leyeverything was going amazing.Lit-er-ly,” she whines, after walking away from Ryan mid-conversation.
“These f—ing losers create these problems when everything is fine.”
Actually, honey, everything isn’t fine.
Your bra, for example, is extremely not fine.
Could someonepleaseteach this woman how to pair a dress with the proper bra???
Naturally, Victoria rushes over to Matt and attempts to do some damage control.
“There’s definitely some things I can work on,” she says lamely.
Victoria has no answer; she just sighs and twists her hair silently.
“And I’m not even being rude, I’m being serious.
If he’s going to believe some idiot over me, he’s not my person…
If that happens, I’ll literally die.”
Welp, somebody had better alert Victoria’s next of kin.
It’s rose ceremony roll call time!
So sorry, Mari, Catalina, and Lauren, but this means it’s time to say goodbye.
As for you, Victoria?
I think Matt says it best.
“He just stared at me,” she huffs.
“Like, how dare you?”
Actually, though, silence is the best response to this wench.
(On the bright side, it seems like Victoria finally learned how to pronounce “jester.")
“Like, I brought so many people joy.”
Excellent trolling, Team Bachelor.
It’s a rainy, dreary day as the dates begin.
The first one-on-one goes to… Rachael!
And it’s not just any date it’sPretty Womanshopping spree time, y’all!
Matt’s “great friend,” LOL) to make the experience even more glamorous.
“I’ve never been treated like an actual princess like this,” gushes Rachael.
Also, why is production bothering to cover up the label on the shoebox?
Louboutin literally (lit-er-ly) hasa trademark on the red-sole design!
“I’m so freakin’ over it.”
That night, Rachael arrives to dinner wearing the cobalt blue evening gown Matt (or producers?)
chose for her, and she and the Bachelor sit down for an evening of fine dining.
(Which they will ignore, of course.)
“First off, like, I think you’re out of my league,” she tells Matt.
“I don’t have a lot of confidence in myself sometimes.”
And Matt is definitely digging her “just standing over here being normal” vibe.
“You’re so subtle… and I love that about you.”
Not really, but Rachael does it anyway!
And she doesn’t stop there: “I want to walk out of here with you.
And I want to start my life with you.”
Did I miss something?
Even forthisshow, that seems very fast.
Give her the dang date rose, Matt.
Let us move on to the group date!
“Much like a relationship, a farm takes patience and hard work,” says Ty.
“Also like on a farm, you sometimes have to deal with s—.”
Correct, Farmer Ty!
Now put these “ladies” to work.
The other women think her antics are just a ploy to get attention, which irritates them.
Have none of them seen this show before?
Also, can’t they see that Matt and MJ have approximately zero chemistry?
When the women see Matt and Pieper kissing, it makes them sad.
(Again I ask, have none of them seen this show?)
“I feel like I’m putting myself in a situation to feel hurt,” says Michelle.
“I don’t want that.”
In that case, hon, you aredefinitelyon the wrong show.
At the post-date cocktail party, Matt pulls Chelsea for the first chat.
Side note: Her coat isda bomb.
Chelsea is breathtaking and seems very poised, but she insists that she’s “awkward” around boys.
Even if she is, Matt LOVES it.
Abigail, meanwhile, is feeling insecure about her “connection” with Matt.
After all, her first impression rose wasweeksago.
Matt says he still needs to talk to MJ about the aforementioned “toxic” atmosphere in the house.
“I lead by example,” she tells the Bachelor.
(Has anyone trustworthy ever said, “you might trust me”?)
MJ is all riled up when she returns to the holding pen.
“My character was put in question tonight,” she announces.
“I was called an antagonist in the house, which is a really strong accusation…
The floor’s open for a conversation.”
“Matt approached me and asked what was the culture like in the house,” she says.
MJ stares at her, open-mouthed, in response.
The “varsity” cracks were just a “joke,” she insists.
“I’ve tried to stick up for other people!”
(Narrator: She hasn’t.)
“I feel like you’re deflecting,” she says.
(Narrator: She is.)
Matt, can you hey just get back here and hand out the date rose?
Guys, the last one-on-one date goes to… As in, Kit the 21-year-old “fashion entrepreneur.”
To quote Paris Hilton, that’s hot.
A quiet date at “home” is exactly what Kit wants.
“I’ve built up so many walls over the years,” she admits.
Matt and Kit start by baking chocolate-chip cookies in between make-out breaks, of course.
(I’m paraphrasing.)
What is happening, rose lovers???
And lo, Kit gets the date rose, which she holds awkwardly as Matt kisses her.
The episode is almost over, so that’s probably the last rose we’re going to see tonight.
But there’s still one little bit of drama left.
Meet me at the cocktail party before the other women arrive.”
So… it’s a mini-two-on-one date?
I’ll take it!
Pack your bags, “ladies” one of you is getting kicked to the curb tonight.
Gotta love a good suitcase showdown.
Both MJ and Jessenia have their game faces on as they arrive for the summit with Matt.
“Big hair, big hoops, big energy tonight,” says MJ.
“Y’all want to see me fight?
Get your popcorn.”
Jessenia, however, seems far more serene even as MJ starts berating her before Matt shows up.
“I am furious,” she huffs.
“You should be embarrassed because we are here because of your actions right now.”
This, rose lovers, is what’s known as projection.
“Are you done?”
She goes on to remind MJ that she lied to Matt about not bullying the new girls.
Finally, Matt arrives… just in time for the episode to end!
We’ll have to wait until next week to find out which “lady” will prevail.
Before you go, rose lovers, I have a few questions.
Are you Team MJ or Team Jessenia?
Do producers seriously want us to believe that Matt and Kit could wind up together?
And would you ever dig through wet, poop-filled hay for a date?
Post your thoughts below!
