Happy 2021, rose lovers!
Case in point:
This isKatie, a 29-year-old “Bank Marketing Manager” from Washington.
And yes, she is pointing a purple vibrator in our Bachelor’s face.
Credit: ABC/Craig Sjodin
Who says there are no original ideas anymore?
), but don’t worry he’s still super desirable.
“Never before in the history ofThe Bachelor has there been such intense interest in one man.”
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Cue the intro package!
Oh yeah, Matt James has the “dreamboat” bonafides, all right.
“I love working with kids,” says Matt.
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“It’s been one of the best experiences of my life.”
Dang it, look at how cute Matt was as a baby.
“That foundation was everything for me,” he says.
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Fortunately, mama’s here to offer a little support.
For Pete’s sake, I can’t be tearing upalready.
Why do these parental visits always melt my ice-cold heart?
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c’mon, can we get some “ladies” in here to humiliate?
Enough with these human emotions roll the quarantine intros!
“I can’t wait to have kids one day,” she says.
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“It’s kind of an awkward thing to bring up on a first date,” she admits.
“I love when people ask me questions about it I think it makes me feel better.”
Kristin, 27:She’s a gorgeous attorney from Jersey City, N.J.
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Likes: Cardi B. and Megan Thee Stallion, rooftop bars, sparkly fringe dresses.
Dislikes: Being cooped up in a hotel room.
Magi, 32:This pharmacist moved to the U.S. from Ethiopia just nine years ago.
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She likes that Matt is “kind, respectful, and works hard.”
AndIlike that so far none of these women are cookie-cutter, basicBachelorblondes.
Anna, 24:Dammit, spoke too soon.
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Will… not… cry.
Will… NOT… cry!
That’s enough of the personalized intros.
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“Ladies,” just drape yourselves in sequins and report to the limos, STAT!
It turns out, Matt has a few questions for Chris Harrison before the “ladies” arrive.
“People want you to end up with a certain pop in of person,” he says.
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“That’s something that’s kept me up at night,” he says.
“I don’t want to piss off Black people.
I don’t want to piss off white people.
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But I’m both of those!
How do I just everybody?”
Short answer, Matt: you’re able to’t.
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Harrison, who usually doesn’t have to offer counsel on such real-world issues, handles it well.
“That’s a lot to carry,” he says.
“The most important thing is if you come out of this with joy, peace, love.”
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Let the “journey” and the limo exits begin!
Bri, 24:Nope, she’s not vibrator girl.
She’s a communications manager from San Francisco, and she arrives sans sex toys.
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Good job, Bri!
“I think you and I are going to have a lot of fun together.”
Sarahthe broadcast journalist is next, followed byJessenia, 27, a social media marketer from San Antonio.
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“Hopefully we can make history together,” says Chelsea.
And the Bachelor LOVES it.
“Wow, she iswearingthat dress,” he marvels as Chelsea heads inside.
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Mari, 24:A marketing director from Odenton, Md.
She, too, wows the Bachelor.
“Do you ever meet somebody, and you don’t know what to say?”
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“That was that moment.
Trying to be smooth, but you could’t sometimes.”
I appreciate how nervous Matt is in general.
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“My heart is racing a mile a minute,” he says.
That’s okay, Matt.
This “process” is not at all normal.
It’shighly irregular, as Spock would say.
Sydney, 28:“You are the hottest human being I haveevermet!”
raves the marketing specialist from Nashville.
(Side note: What in the holy hell is marketing, really?)
(“Put some respect on my name!”
she jokes when he asks.)
Serena C., 24:Our first (and only) flight attendant!
Also notable for another reason.
(So yeah, I’m guessing it was planned.)
It’s a cute idea.
Even the “ladies” watching from the window above love it.
She thinks Matt’s the GOAT.
And what do you know, Matt LOVES it.
“You gotta love a woman with confidence,” he says.
“I love that she did that.”
So I’m going to be reading your lips a lot tonight.
Thankfully, you have really beautiful lips, so I’m not complaining."
The Bachelor promises to enunciate.
(We have no choice but to stan!)
Corrinne, 22:Another “marketing manager”?
What does that even mean?
Can anyone explain it to me?
Also, she’s from Connecticut and is very pretty.
Oh fun, look who it is!
Great to see you again.
There ain’t enough soap in the world to make that okay.
Let’s hope she just picked that up at the Nemacolin gift shop right before hopping in the limo.
“Now, she’s a “fashion entrepreneur.”
(Looks like someone complained to daddy about her chyron!)
And if anything says “fashion,” it’s a feathered minidress paired with black tasseled boots.
(Then again, what do I know?
I’ve been wearing yoga pants for the last 12 months.)
“I know I made a good impression,” she brags.
Then this happens:
Unlike Sienna C.’s trip, that wipeout didnotlook planned.
With that, rose lovers, it’s cocktail party time!
But first, a prayer.
That’s right, folks Matt James kicks off the night by giving thanks to God!
“Heavenly Father, thank you for bringing us all together healthy.
Give these women the courage to get through these next few months,” Matt prays.
“Bless this time we have together, Father.
In your holy name I pray, Amen.”
Our Bachelor loves the Lord, and he is not afraid to show it!
He doesn’t have it all together, and that’s okay!
“With that in mind,” he says, “let’s have some fun.”
(Don’t answer that.)
“I’m still, like, in this nervous mode,” he admits.
Time for a Queen’s Gambit break!
Too bad neither of them knows anything about chess.
“Game over!”
She’s printed some fun facts about herself on the back, including that she’s from Puerto Rico.
(Mari spends the rest of the night complaining that she was “tapped by a dildo.")
Later, it is “MJ No.
1,” the hairdresser, who interrupts Katie’s chat with Matt.
They share some sweet tea, and Khaylah makes a toast to their “North Carolina roots.”
“Excuse me, princess, but the Queen is here,” announces Victoria.
Kit is quite irked, but she leaves without making a scene.
Victoria then proceeds to harass Amber, who has yet to talk to Matt.
“Literally, just go.
Literally, why are you waiting?”
“If I say ‘literally’ again, you have to go.
First Impression Rose alert!
(It’s a panda, by the way.)
(No, that pasta thing with Alana doesn’t count.)
“I never really saw an example of what love was like,” she explains.
“I want that for myself.”
This is so refreshing!
Matt is focused ontalkingwithandlisteningtothe women.
He doesn’t feel the need to suck face with people he’s just met.
Maybe we’ll even make it through this whole episode without any gratuitous smooching…
Crap.
Congrats to Abigail, I guess, for getting the season’s first kiss.
“One of the things I challenged the women with was being vulnerable,” Matt tells her.
“And I felt like you were everything that I’ve been asking of these women tonight.”
Maybe 2021 reallywillbe better, rose lovers!
Holy cow, is it rose ceremony time already?
(Just kidding I thought this moment would never arrive.)
And as you could see, the “ladies” are nervous and fidgety.
Rose ceremony roll call!
Oh, sorry he saidAlana, not Anna.
Next comes Katie,thenAnna.
The final rose goes to…Victoria.
I think that’s everybody who got the boot.
I should probably stop “double-guessing” myself.
(Hat tip to Marylynn for that fun, mangled phrase.)
Welp, the sun is up, and the episode is almost over.
); one on a couch (Katie); one in a hot tub (Kit?
Plus, lots of people cry, including Matt!
What do you think, rose lovers?
And are you surprised Chris Harrison can drive a stick shift?
Post your thoughts below!
