Simpson in New York.
What do you get the estranged wife who has everything?
But first,Saturday Night Live.
Scott is now a recurring player in his own life.Hulu
And apparently, Kim knew before her mother.
“He came over and he asked for her hand I marriage,” says Kris, tearing up.
And I just lost it."
Kanye undercover.Hulu
Oh man now Kim is crying, Kris is crying, even Mario the makeup artist is crying.
“I wish your dad was here to see it,” says Kris through tears.
“I can hardly believe that it’s the first time that she’s getting married.”
The big reveal.Hulu
Kim’s all,Totally, especially since I’m on my third divorce!
(I’m paraphrasing.)
Hey, look it’s Scott Disick!
Honestly, God doesn’t have time for this.Hulu
Hang in there, buddy.
She and three other “stewardesses” rented a small apartment with no closet and single beds.
And tomorrow, Mama Kris wants to go visit that crappy apartment for old times' sake.
O.J. Simpson, Kris Kardashian, and Robert Kardashian.Hulu
“Don’t you want to see where your mother used to live?”
Simpson" was synonymous with “Hertz commercial” and not “double murderer”?
But I digress.)
Corey’s doing his best, y’all.Hulu
Then Khloe gives a toast to an empty chair.
Does she know Kim isn’t there, or is she having some kind of stroke?
At long last, it’sSNLday.
I mean, the pink velour unitard DOES look comfy.Hulu
And boy, is Khloe excited.
The youngest Kardashian daughter is just 1-800-OVER-IT when it comes to mom’s official tours down memory lane.
“So, I know all the f—ing stories.”
On the outside looking in.Hulu
Just then, the phone rings.
Kim wants all Kardashians and Kardashian-related employees to assemble in her hotel room, STAT.
And guess who’s waiting for them when they arrive?
Kim K. with Bowen Yang.Hulu
Why is Kim so excited about a clunky personal computer that looks like it’s from the Y2K era?
Because that giant hunk of technology holds the original recording of her infamous sex tape.
“I know Kanye did this for me, but he also did this for my kids…
Does this count as a “hostile work environment”?.
I’m just, like, so emotional because of it.”
Perhaps he just won Ray J over with his charming personality?
(Wait, did Kim just call that suitcase “janky”?
Nice of you to show up, Kendall and Kylie.
As for the new footage that Ray J’s manager was threatening to leak?
Kim says she watched it, and there was “nothing sexual” to be found.
“It was just footage of us at a restaurant, at a nightclub,” she reports.
Everyone in the pre-SNLprayer circle!
And all of God’s children sayAaaaa-men.
But the mob of photographers and lookie-loos makes Khloe too anxious, so she darts back to the hotel.
Fortunately, Kris always has Corey around to be her plus-one.
(This woman iswaytoo rich to be alone with her own thoughts, folks.)
That’s a bridge too far.
“Robert and O.J.
was doing the commentary.
How about that f—ing story?”
Yikes, how about it.
The producer LOVES it (“That needs to be in the cut, guys!”
she declares), but did anyone else wince when Kris used Caitlyn’sdeadname?
Okay, moving on.
Oh good, Kris found her old apartment.
Doesn’t Corey look thrilled?
“I’m good,” he assures her.
“My skin is so thick, a bullet would get lost.”
Well, let’s hope not.
“She’s so good at this s—!”
cries Khloe, who has a glass of champs in her hand andmaaaybe a little tipsy.
“She better f—ing work, this legendary bitch!
I love her so much!”
Why do I feel so bad for this guy?
Someone help me snap out of it!
“You’re asking me?”
“This is the greatest accomplishment of my life, that you asked.”
Ain’t life just crazy that way?
Hmmm… soSNLis over, and there are still about 20 minutes left in thisKardashiansepisode.
How the hell are they gonna fill the time?
Oh, thank God for Khloe and the ongoing battle between her SKIMS and her lad -parts.
(See: Myepisode 1 recap.)
Let’s hope so.
Anyhoo, no labium were harmed in the making of this reality show.
(Blame it on Kris Jenner and her big mouth.)
“How’s Scott going to feel about this?”
I’m not the only one who cares about Scott’s feelings!)
Wait, who are these two?
Okay, a few things.
I’m getting overwhelmed with anxiety just looking at it.
c’mon don’t spill… kindly don’t spill… (That ginormous SUV and the camera cars tracking it are pretty hard to miss.)
Tune in next week to find out!
The stakes couldn’t be lower!
The Kardashiansis streaming now onHulu.
New episodes drop every Thursday.
