But it didn’t feel good."
On a warm afternoon in September, Oliver Sim’s airy London kitchen is filled with flowers.
“It’s the process of talking about it and airing it out.”
Oliver Sim.Casper Sejersen
The LP’s opening track, “Hideous,” is a stately ballad that is almost unbearably affecting.
“It’s very beautiful, but also a little bit ominous.”
It is a surreal romp, with a point to make about the persistent stigma around HIV.
Oliver Sim.Casper Sejersen
“And turns it into something that’s super attractive and hot.”
ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY:Did you always know you wanted to disclose your HIV status as part of this record?
OLIVER SIM:Not in the beginning.
I wrote “Hideous” two-thirds in.
By that point I knew I was stuck around my status.
If I’m talking about shame, that’s the thing that’s caused me the most shame.
But it didn’t feel good.
Trying to find a different word felt like I felt ashamed.
Your vocals are multi-tracked on “Sensitive Child” and pitched down on “Never Here.
“How did you want to explore your singing voice?
All of my career has been singing in the xx with Romy [his bandmate].
So much of my identity I can control [is in] my voice.
When I go into, like, certain spaces my voice drops down, basically stamping out any queerness.
Noticing myself do that I’m like, ‘Why?
Who am I doing this for?’
[I was] playing with that.
And then, pushing it further, it becomes demonic.
Your new song “Unreliable Narrator” is inspired by the monologues ofAmerican Psycho’s Patrick Bateman.
What made you want to riff on that character?
Initially, I had sampled that monologue.
So I ended up making the song my interpretation of that.
I’m just a harmless little lady.”
It’s so grotesque; it’s brilliant.
You now have anaction figure.
It’s so good.
[He pulls it out and recites its safety warning.]
“Choking hazard: may contain small parts.”
Which is very rude.
Did you always collect them?
I had a fewDragon Ball Zfigurines.
It was a weird show.
I found it quite hot.
The main guy was a real heartthrob.
I know you’ve struck up a friendship with Elton John.
Would you ever do a song with him?
I’d love to.
So he’s had Dua Lipa,Britney… then me!
[laughs]
Has he given you any advice?
He’s given me lots of advice.
I think the best thing is that he’s been like, “I’ll be here.”
From [an addiction] recovery place, he’s been great.
Is it important to have other gay, sober people around you?
[Sim became sober in 2016.]
Especially having people that are further along and are successfully out in the world.
Do you think you could have made this record at a younger age?
It would’ve been very different if I made this in my 20s.
It would’ve been an album of love songs.
I still think that’s vulnerable, but love songs are my home.
I can hide behind talking about somebody else.
Do you think you should probably be in love to write a good love song?
When we started writing the xx’s first album [2009’sxx] I hadn’t been in love.
I was a teenager.
I felt really insecure about that for a while.
But I think writing about fantasies is still a very revealing thing.
On “Hideous” you sing about living as HIV+ since you were 17.
What was your headspace like at that age?
I’m still dealing with it.
It kind of shut me down.
From opening the doors, I shut them again.
I haven’t had much experience yet.
I’ve just been married to my work.
But watch out, world.
If you were going to take someone on a date tomorrow, where would you go?
I am down for the 12-year-old birthday party.
Did you watch the showHeartstopper?
It fully warmed my heart.
But it made me sad in moments because that was obviously not my experience.
I didn’t even have a secret boyfriend in secondary school.
I would have loved one!
Hideous Bastardis out now.
This interview has been edited and condensed for length and clarity.
