Stallone is a goodfella gone west in a silly drama that could turn into a low-key comedy.
Yes,Sylvester Stalloneasks, “What the f— is with the pronouns?”
“GM has gone electric, Dylan’s gone public, a phone is a camera?”
Sylvester Stallone in ‘Tulsa King’.Brian Douglas/Paramount+
The New York enforcer just finished a 25-year stint in prison.
He’s also high as a kite for this Rip Van Winkle monologue.
Stallone gives great stoned, which is a nice surprise in a career’s seventh decade.
When he laughs, he snorts.
The Paramount+ show is a ridiculous drama that could become a wry comedy.
But is its star the main problem, or the saving grace?
No question, Stallone’s the draw: At last, Tango does television!
The Paramount+ series, premiering Nov. 13, begins with Dwight leaving the penitentiary.
The 75-year-old expects a hero’s welcome.
Instead, he gets an assignment.
The middle-aged kids want Dwight to open up a crime outpost in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Not okay, says Dwight.
“I made my bones when you were in f—ing diapers,” he complains.
“Well, nowyou’rewearin' diapers,” responds Vince.
Actually, he just punches the jerk.
Dwight does that a lot.
The concept here is simple: One fish out of two waters.
Dwight’s a man from the past da friggin' hell is with these talking crosswalk signals?
and a Brooklyn bad dude in the buckle of the Bible Belt.
But in a lame non-twist, this unfrozen caveman gangster does just fine.
His first stop is a dispensary owned by Bodhi (Martin Starr).
Tough to imagine a weedier word jumble than “Bodhi (Martin Starr).”
Crime pays and is easy.
There are sad moments.
Dwight lost touch with his daughter and speaks longingly about his late barber dad.
You sense some autobiography, since Stallone’s own father was a hairdresser.
Then her friend Stacy (Andrea Savage) asks Dwight to show her his mini-bar.
But Stacy freaks when she finds out Dwight remembers when JFK got shot.
“This is an age canyon.”
Stallone does not look like he was in prison for 25 years.
He does not even look 75.
Burgess Meredith looked 75 inRocky III.
Whatever supplements and regimens the real-life Rocky has applied to himself make him look only like himself.
That great movie’s excellent trick was how Stallone, threeRambos deep, came off like a believable never-was.
Planet Hollywood.Tulsa Kingneeds legit threats like that.
So far, the bad criminals are vain weaklings, and the Tulsans think Dwight’s awesome.
Creator Taylor Sheridan madeYellowstone.
Paramount would like him to make a thousand more of that.
I wonder, though, if he’s sensitive to allegations that his Manly-Man output leans arch-conservative.
“But I walk in, a nice suit, and you’re not afraid anymore.
“And that’s how racism works, Dwight does not say, though he does punch the salesman.
Later, he punches a guy who’s being too grabby with a woman.
I had high hopes forBoardwalk Goes West, butTulsa’s a bit of a diet beverage.
Garrett Hedlund pops up as a nice barkeep with money issues.
Dwight goes to Mickey Mantle’s house to talk about how great Mickey Mantle was.
You keep waiting for someone to challenge his toughness, or for one just-punched victim to call the cops.
The one moment of genuine drama comes in that pronoun monologue.
The camera cuts to Bodhi, who is supposed to be afraid that Dwight will get him killed.
Starr’s visible anxiety channels a deeper fear:Is this the scene that gets me canceled?
The Tulsa location is distinctive.
An upcomingCop Landreunion with Annabella Sciorra is enough to keep me watching.
Who wouldn’t watchYellowstoned?
Grade: C+
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