Xander shares when she knew she wouldnt end up with Vanessa and where she is now.
WARNING: This post contains spoilers forThe Ultimatum: Queer Love
Xander rode out ofThe Ultimatum:Queer Lovesolo.
AfterYoly revealed that she accepted Mal’s proposal, Xander left the show alone and began working on herself.
Vanessa Papa and Xander Boger on ‘The Ultimatum: Queer Love’.Netflix
ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: What stands out to you about your earliest moments with Yoly?
She gave me space and really listened to me.
The communication between the two of us was the most attractive.
Yoly Rojas and Xander Boger on ‘The Ultimatum: Queer Love’.Netflix
Did that make your time on the show harder?
Yeah, that was a hard part.
There’s so much going on and sometimes we would get sucked back into the drama of it all.
We were getting a little lost in some of those things.
At times I would get frustrated because I was tired of talking about Vanessa.
How hard was navigating what to do about your relationship with Vanessa and your feelings for Yoly?
Like that very awkward group outing.
It was so chaotic.
We were together all the time and then she was back with Mal.
I knew early on that Vanessa and I should not be together.
I was not trying to persuade Yoly in either direction.
I wanted her to make her own decision.
Speaking for myself, I had just become aware that did need to feel like someone was choosing me.
That was a really big thing for me.
So what happened between you and Yoly after the show?
It’s briefly mentioned during the reunion.
That definitely got a little confusing.
I haven’t seen the reunion, but reflecting back on it, that probably looks a little hazy.
She was engaged to Mal for a chunk of time while I was starting my healing process.
I was trying to find my way in the world without being in a relationship with Vanessa.
We were still in communication, but respecting each other’s space.
Once they broke up, we had planned to meet up at Coachella and it just felt different.
It didn’t hit the same way because we were just in different places at the time.
What did you take away from the experience of being on the show?
In a way, it was like a car crash.
It’s a big dramatic event to get me to see that we need to change some things.
That was a big change for me in finding myself.
I can now be better for everyone that I have relationships with: friendships, family, romantic relationships.
All episodes ofThe Ultimatum: Queer Loveare streaming now on Netflix.
